Even biological parents can easily blow a new behavior up in
their minds into a major medical condition, however, for adoptive
parents we are almost looking fearfully all the time for some
illness or symptoms - behavior or physical - from their past we
know so little about, to surface. We are vigilant, and it can be
easy to blow a new behavior out of proportion.
This article offers suggestions as how to deal with those fears.
Written by Janet Alston Jackson
When an adopted child first comes into your home, the joy and
excitement the little one brings is magical.
There is nothing like that euphoria.
You fall in love.
However, when the child's health or behavioral challenges
surface, an adoptive parent's imagination can easily drum up dark
fears. While a birth parent worries about the child's issues,
as an adoptive parent, you may also worry about the issue plus
the unknown or known history of the adoptee's background.
You may even hear the haunting voice from a family or friend who
was against your adoption, "Why adopt? You don't know what that
child has in her background."
This is when you must stay strong.
Separate the facts from fiction. Your egoic-mind will try to
send you on a whirl-wind of worry, but you must only look at the
issue presenting itself, without adding a story.
For example, if your child throws a tantrum, your mind may
imagine that his temper may get worse as he gets older because
someone in his family may have a psychological disorder. "Maybe
my child has this disorder too."
Only deal with what is in front of you, not your imagined story.
This creates more stress and takes away the energy you need to
deal with the challenge. You can't think with a clear mind if
it's clouded with worry about something that you don't know to be
My Mind Won't Let Me Rest
The best way to deal with any fear is to look at it. Suppressing
or ignoring a fear only makes the energy stronger.
Thoughts are energy.
When a fear surfaces, ask yourself, "Is this true?" If it's not,
let it go.
That same fear may come back a number of times, but if you just
keep looking at it, instead of running from the fear, you will
find that it weakens to the point of dissolving altogether.
Some people find it helpful to keep a journal and write out their
This serves as a great tool to look at the fear, and to get it
out of you. Keeping a journal about your feelings is a wonderful
therapy to help you along the adoption journey. Just be careful
not to let it fall into your child's hands. They may not
understand that your fears have nothing to do with them.
Remember, your child is extremely sensitive. Many adoptive
children are super intuitive because they have been in various
placements. Out of survival, they know how to read the people in
If you come unhinged, your child could become anxious and maybe
act out this uncomfortable feeling they are too young to
Be gentle with yourself, and stay calm. Have confidence that you
and your family can work through whatever you are facing with
Adoption Services International unites loving US families with
Ukrainian children. We provide a unique combination of
professional, individualized, quality service (including a
maximum guaranteed adoption fee), personal adoption experience,
affordable local cost and 20 years Ukrainian experience.
If you or someone you love would like to expand your family,
provide a permanent home for a needy orphaned child, welcome a
sibling for an existing child or discover an alternative for
infertility treatments - contact us to learn more about Ukrainian
adoption, Adoption Services International can help.
Ukrainian Adoption 101:
Conversation On International Adoption: Opportunity, Process,
Concerns and Questions
Monday, November 12, 2012 6:00-7:00PM
Location: Califon Book Store: 72 Main Street, Califon, New Jersey
Ukrainian Adoption Information Meeting
Wednesday, November 28, 2012 7:00-8:00PM
Location: Wellness Rocks: 133 Rupell Road, Clinton, New Jersey