Monday, October 21, 2013

Event: Thinking of Ukrainian Adoption: Let's Talk Adoption Conference - A Great Place To Learn - Nov 9 @ 8:00am

Event: Thinking of Ukrainian Adoption: Let's Talk Adoption Conference - A Great Place To Learn - Nov 9 @ 8:00am
New Jersey's 32nd
Annual


"Let's Talk Adoption"
Conference


Saturday, November 9, 2013


8:30am - 4:00pm


(7:45-8:30am Registration, Check-in, Breakfast, Exhibits,
Book Sales)


Rutgers University, Busch Campus Center Piscataway, New
Jersey


Keynote Speaker:


Holly Van ...
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Thursday, October 10, 2013

Event: Free Ukrainian Adoption Educational Program at Bunnvale Library New Jersey - Oct 16 @ 6:00pm

Event: Free Ukrainian Adoption Educational Program at Bunnvale Library New Jersey - Oct 16 @ 6:00pm
Hunterdon County, NJ - Local adoption business,
Adoption Services International is holding a free educational
presentation Wednesday, October 16, 2013 from 6:00 - 8:00 pm at
the Bunnvale Library, 7 Bunnvale Road in Califon.


The program is titled: The Ukrainian
Internationa...
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Monday, September 30, 2013

Ukraine's President Speaks On Ukrainian Adoption

Ukraine's President Speaks On Ukrainian Adoption
Foreigners adopt less Ukrainian children





Ukraine loses the status of the intercountry adoption donor,
President's commissioner for children's rights Yuri Pavlenko told
a briefing, ForUm correspondent reports.





"It happened so not because of banning intercountry adoption, bu...
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Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Preparing Your Ukrainian Adopted Child For Questions: Parents Educate Your Non-Adopted Children!

Preparing Your Ukrainian Adopted Child For Questions: Parents Educate Your Non-Adopted Children!
parents, please educate your kids about adoption so mine don't
have to


I love this article. It addresses all the painful and insensitive
comments and questions your adopted child most likely will be
asked. Better yet, it offers great answers.


Enjoy this article from the great blog: ...
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Monday, September 9, 2013

How Ukrainian Adoptive Parents Can Answer "When Will You Have Your Child?"

How Ukrainian Adoptive Parents Can Answer



Adoptive parents, let's face it, we all have been asked a hundred
times when we are going to get our child. No on whe has not gone
through the adoption process themselves will find it easy to
understand the hoops you jump through and the waiting without a
clear end date.


I love ...
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Friday, September 6, 2013

Resource Guide I Am Providing My Ukrainian Adoptive Son's Teachers

Resource Guide I Am Providing My Ukrainian Adoptive Son's Teachers
Dispite what I would expect to be a growing sensitivity to
non-traditional families, last year my Ukrainian adopted son had
to do:


1. A time line from birth (There are a number of missing years)


2. Baby photos (There are none)


3. Most upsetting, the school held a fundraiser for th...
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Thursday, August 29, 2013

For Teachers: Adoption Biased Class Assignments and How to Fix Them

For Teachers: Adoption Biased Class Assignments and How to Fix Them
Preparing teachers for adoption in the classroom. Assignments
that are particularly hard for adoptive children and how to fix
them.


Teacher's Guide to Adoption
2nd ed., 2005
By Robin Hilborn


A resource document prepared by Robin Hilborn, editor of
Family Helper, to promote the t...
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Preparing Teachers for Adoption in the Classroom: There are Many Ways to Create a Child

Preparing Teachers for Adoption in the Classroom: There are Many Ways to Create a Child
Preparing teachers for adoption in the classroom.


Teacher's Guide to Adoption
2nd ed., 2005
By Robin Hilborn


A resource document prepared by Robin Hilborn, editor of
Family Helper, to promote the teaching of adoption in
schools


Many ways to create a child


Quite apart from ...
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For Teachers: Many Ways to Make a Family - Awareness For Ukrainian Adopted Children

For Teachers: Many Ways to Make a Family - Awareness For Ukrainian Adopted Children
For teachers awareness of adoption and other family situations is
critical to promoting healthy relationships in the classroom and
a positive learning enviroment. As this article states, just 4 in
10 families fit the traditional family mold. Please share with
your Ukrainian adopted child'...
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Monday, August 26, 2013

How to Speak With Your Ukrainian Adoptive Child's Teacher About Adoption

How to Speak With Your Ukrainian Adoptive Child's Teacher About Adoption





That time of year again.
As our adoptive children head back to school. Here are
some tips for how to speak with your child's teacher
about adoption.






by Kat...
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Friday, August 23, 2013

Ukrainian Adoptive Parents: The Ukraine Needs Our Ideas and Help!

Ukrainian Adoptive Parents: The Ukraine Needs Our Ideas and Help!
The Ukrainian Embassy and Consulates are very worried that the
lack of reports could cause a backlash or closing of adoptions.
They thought that if adoptive parents led an effort to increase
reporting and find the nearly 5000 unaccounted for adopted
children it would be good PR for the US...
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Thursday, August 22, 2013

Adoptive Parenting: Is A Behavior Caused By Adoption or Temperment??

Adoptive Parenting: Is A Behavior Caused By Adoption or Temperment??


This is a beautiful article by Dawn at Creating a Family. I
love it because I don't think there is any adoptive parent
that does not question if a behavior has its origins in the
fact that the child is adopted. Is it or isn't it? Or, as
this article says, is it...
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Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Event: Free Ukrainian Adoption Information Session: Adoption Process, Opportunity and Challenges - Sep 19 @ 7:30pm

Event: Free Ukrainian Adoption Information Session: Adoption Process, Opportunity and Challenges - Sep 19 @ 7:30pm
Hopewell Presbyterian Church Hosts Free Ukrainian
Adoption Educational Program


Hopewell, NJ - Local adoption
business, Adoption Services International is holding a free
educational presentation Thursday, September 19, 2013 from 7:30 -
8:30 pm at the Hopewell Presbyterian ...
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Friday, August 16, 2013

Uncertainty of Adoption or Infertility Can Rob You of Living

Uncertainty of Adoption or Infertility Can Rob You of Living
I really like this article. It is short, but hits the point hard.
Waiting is hard and stressful, espcially for the planners among
us. Don't put your life on hold!!






Uncertainty of Adoption or Infertility Can Rob You of Living
creatingafamily.org August 7th, 2013 view origina...
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Adoptive Parents - How to Answer Tough Questions About Your Child's Birth Family

Adoptive Parents - How to Answer Tough Questions About Your Child's Birth Family
I love this wonderful article because it shows how hard
these questions are for adoptive parents and there chidren. Also,
that there are no perfect answers. Are we ever really prepared to
answer these questions?


What has been your experience?


Enjoy!


No one said adoption was easy...
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Could Ukraine Ban Foreign Adoptions Like Russia? Adoptive Parents May Hold The Answer

Could Ukraine Ban Foreign Adoptions Like Russia? Adoptive Parents May Hold The Answer
Could Ukraine Ban Foreign Adoptions Like Russia?


From the moment Russia issued its ban on adoptions for Americans,
perspective adoptive parents have been asking if Ukraine would
follow suit. To address this issue objectively it is best to look
at everything Russian officials and press h...
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Thursday, August 15, 2013

FRUA Backs Importance of Post-Placement Reports for Ukrainian Adoption

FRUA Backs Importance of Post-Placement Reports for Ukrainian Adoption
Let's face it. Compared to other countries Ukraine requires relatively little of us: no social worker or agency post-placement visits, no cost for reporting, reports can be done online, and they are not long or tedious. This makes the fact that so few parents are filing these reports all the worse....
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Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Russian Adopted Children Travel Back: Confirm Propaganda, Misconceptions, and Kindness

Russian Adopted Children Travel Back: Confirm Propaganda, Misconceptions, and Kindness


Fifteen American families with adopted Russian children
visited Russia, the land of their birth. Harper Liles
and her mother tour Peterhof Palace in St. Petersburg,
Russia, July 20, 2013 (pictured) are among them. What is so
clear in this artilce is how success...
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Event: Event for Ukrainian Adoptive Families: 22nd Annual Ukrainian Folk Festival in PA - Aug 25 @ 12:00pm

Event: Event for Ukrainian Adoptive Families: 22nd Annual Ukrainian Folk Festival in PA - Aug 25 @ 12:00pm

Celebrate your adopted child's wonderful culture:


Arts, dance, sounds and even flavors - the 22nd annual
Ukrainian Folk Festival on Aug. 25 2013 will have it all.


The event celebrates Ukrainian culture with an array of arts
and crafts, music, dance and food. Learn...
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Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Event: Ukrainian Festival: Perfect Activity for Ukrainian Adoptive FamIilies Irondequoit, NY - Aug 15-18

Event: Ukrainian Festival: Perfect Activity for Ukrainian Adoptive FamIilies Irondequoit, NY - Aug 15-18
Celebrate your adoptive child's rich culture!





Irondequoit, N.Y. -


The St. Josaphat's Ukrainian Festival is marking its 41st year.


It has become a late-summer, family-friendly tradition
celebrating the culture of Ukraine, and draws not only from
greater Rochester, but also fr...
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Monday, August 12, 2013

Russia Applies Economic Pressures to Force Ukraine From Becoming Closer With the European Union

Russia Applies Economic Pressures to Force Ukraine From Becoming Closer With the European Union
Putin does not want Ukraine integrating with the EU. He made that
very clear during a recent meeting. So, when Ukraine said they
wish to move ahead with the EU, Russia has suddenly found
"contaminants" in Ukrainian chocolate and banned it. A new take
on the Chocolate Wars. Sad. This comes...
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Saturday, August 10, 2013

A To-Do List for Friends and Relatives of Ukrainian Adopting Parents

A To-Do List for Friends and Relatives of Ukrainian Adopting Parents
This article, written by Jody Cantrell Dyer, is more than just a
to do list. It is a "not to do" list too. Great ideas on how to
help support the adopting couple, but also great tips on what not
to do.


Enjoy!


As an adoptive mother and author, I participate in on-line
supportive co...
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Friday, August 9, 2013

Ukraine's Prosecuter General Audits Adoption Reporting: US Lack of Compliance Reason For Concern

Ukraine's Prosecuter General Audits Adoption Reporting: US Lack of Compliance Reason For Concern
Ukraine's Prosecutor General of Ukraine is very unhappy with the
reporting by adoptive parents, and the US reporting rate is
terrible!If anything will ever cause the Ukrainian government to
halt foreign adoptions, it is our poor record of sending in our
required reports. The US is embaras...
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Thursday, August 8, 2013

Explaining My Adoption to My Biological Daughter

Explaining My Adoption to My Biological Daughter
This is a lovely article. We so often worry about how to speak
with our adopted children about adoption. This is a unique take
on the opposite, an adoptee mother speaking with her biological
daughter about adoption. How similar and different are they?


Explaining My Adoption to My Biolog...
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Saturday, June 8, 2013

Ukrainian Adoptive Parents: How similar are adoption waits to pregnancy?

Ukrainian Adoptive Parents: How similar are adoption waits to pregnancy?
I find most adoptive parents go through major emotional swings
and ups and downs, but because they have not hormones to blame,
they often think they are the only one who experiences these
emotions.

I hope the emotional ups and downs become more openly discussed
and accepted/expected ...
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Event: Ukrainian Adoptive Families! Ukrainian Cultural Festival July 12-14 NY Catskills - Jul 12-14

Event: Ukrainian Adoptive Families! Ukrainian Cultural Festival July 12-14 NY Catskills - Jul 12-14
7th Annual Ukrainian Cultural Festival July 12-14 returns to the
Catskills


For seven years now, the Soyuzivka Heritage Center in Kerhonkson,
N.Y., has been reminding us all - via its annual Ukrainian
Cultural Festival - that Ukrainians have a rich culture to share
with the rest of the...
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Friday, June 7, 2013

Adopting An Older Child From Ukraine: Wisdom and Advice From a 12 Year Old Adoptee

Adopting An Older Child From Ukraine: Wisdom and Advice From a 12 Year Old Adoptee
Anyone
considering older child adoption please read! Tips for adoptive
parents from a 15 year old adopted from Kazakhstan when she was
12. Such wisdom!!


by lajoyfamily.blogspot.com


I had the most interesting conversation this afternoon with
Angela, who at almost 15 years old is wi...
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Friday, May 31, 2013

Event: Ukrainian Adoption Information Session and Ukrainian Adoptive Families Networking in New Jersey - Jun 2 @ 2:00pm

Ukrainian Adoption Information Session
and Ukrainian Adoptive Families Networking in New Jersey



If you have ever considered adoption, this is a wonderful
opportunity to learn more about the Ukrainian adoption program
and meet local NJ families that
have adopted and are in the process of adopting from Ukraine.



With over thousands Caucasian children available for
international adoption, Ukraine is a sizable source of adopted
children in the US, yet many parents considering adoption have
never heard about this European adoption program. There are many
unique characteristics of Ukrainian adoption that are very
different from most international and domestic adoptions.
Ukrainian adoptions generally take less than a year, adoptive
parents choose their child or children based on medical history,
there is no age limit for older parents and it is affordable in
comparison to other programs. Children are generally available
from age 5 and older.



Come learn more about this adoption opportunity at this casual
information session. Susan Kibler, adoptive Mom and Ukrainian
Adoption Specialist will provide information about Adoption
Services International's Ukrainian adoption consulting services,
as well as the unique challenges and opportunities that
international adoption provides for both children and their
adoptive parents.

Adoptive parents will have the opportunity to discuss their
personal experiences, and there will be plenty of time for
questions and answers, mingling and a chance to meet the
children.



Bilingual babysitting and light refreshments will be provided.
Bring the whole family! Registration is required.



Details:

Join Us: Sunday, June 2, 2013 from 2:00 - 4:00pm

Location: United Methodist Church, 116 East Washington Ave.
Washington, NJ 07882

To find out more visit us at: "https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption" target=
"_blank">https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption


Space is limited. Please resister in advance:
info@asi-adoption.com or 908-444-0999

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Friday, May 10, 2013

Ukraine's Foreign Minister Meets Ukrainian Adopted Children And Their Families In NYC

Last week, in his first visit to the United States as Ukraine's
Minister of Foreign Affairs, Minister Kozhara took the time to
meet with parents who have adopted from Ukraine and their
children.



He expressed a warmth and gratitude towards the parents for
offering these children "a better life".



He stated that it would be ideal for all children to be adopted
within the country, but that that is not realistic.



The Minister started his career at the newly independent
Ukrainian Embassy in Washington, DC and holds a warm place in his
heart for America.



His wish is that Ukrainian adopted children grow up proud of both
the United States and their original motherland, Ukraine.



He mentioned how important it was for parents to file their
obligatory reports on their adopted children.



There was a lot of press at the event and both the press and
other Ukrainian officials expressed that the fact that the
minister made this meeting a priority (after all he met with
Secretary of State Kerry and was slightly late to this meeting
because he was with the General Secretary of the UN) shows how
positive he is toward international adoption in Ukraine.


Ukraine's Foreign Minister Leonid Kozhara met with adopted
Ukrainian children and their American families in the Consulate
General of Ukraine in New York



Today, 01:55

On May 7th, 2013, Minister for Foreign Affairs of
Ukraine Leonid Kozhara met with adopted Ukrainian children and
their American families in New York.

The meeting was held at the Consulate General of Ukraine in New
York.

During the meeting the Minister informed of Ukraine's policy in
the sphere of inter-country adoption, stressed on the importance
of ensuring the children's rights, as well as timeliness of
submitting post-placement reports on wellbeing of adopted
Ukrainian children.

The meeting was held in a warm, friendly atmosphere. The families
shared their happy stories of adoption of Ukrainian children.

At the end of the meeting, the children launched balloons of
Ukrainian flag's colors into the sky and got Ukrainian souvenirs
on behalf of the Minister for Foreign Affairs of Ukraine.

In the photo: Ukraine's Foreign Minister Leonid Kozhara meets
with adopted Ukrainian children and their American families

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Why We Need To Attach: Suggestions To Help Your Ukrainian Adopted Child Attach



I like this article because it not only explains the background
and causes, but how to be successful in bonding with your adopted
child, from as soon as you meet them and forever.



Article Title



Why We Need to Attach





Sara-Jane Hardman and Jean Mauro LCSW







We hear so much today about the words "attachment", "attachment
disorder" or, even more frightening, "Reactive Attachment
Disorder," "RAD." Yet we rarely see a clear explanation of what
this is or what consequences it has on an individual's life.
Attachment grows from a secure relationship with a primary
caregiver, usually the mother, and is necessary for normal social
and emotional development.



First described by the noted British psychoanalyst John Bowlby in
the mid- twentieth century, attachment has come to be understood
as the connection that enables an individual to feel secure,
trust others, develop friendships and find intimacy. Without
trust, he will be afraid to take life's necessary risks, but he
will not avoid unnecessary risks, and he will not feel safe.
Attachment is extremely important. As parents we need to
understand the primacy of attachment so that we can maximize our
child's attachment to us and then to himself and finally the
world.



Where does attachment begin? In the womb. Studies have shown that
embryos are already bonding when they feel movement, hear voices
and other sounds, and have their senses stimulated through smell
and taste. Optimally the womb is a good safe first home for a
baby about to be born. When a child is born to a mother who is
stressed, his first environment is an inhospitable one and he
cannot develop optimally. If, after birth, he is removed from
that familiar figure the event is traumatic for him, and he
suffers all of the consequences of a traumatic event. As
unfamiliar as it sounds, even a very young child such as an
infant who is separated from his mother, will suffers a loss
which he feels in his sub-conscious mind.



At any time during childhood separation from the mother figure is
very difficult. Babies who develop in a distressed womb and then
are separated from their mothers will find it difficult to
overcome these stresses on their own, and they may show some
symptoms of posttraumatic stress disorder at birth. For them life
is already troubled and they need to secure their equilibrium.
Unable to progress smoothly through the stages of development
unaided, they will need a blueprint for help through the trouble
spots and an intimate understanding of the problem by their
parents and other involved adults. If we imagine attachment as a
continuum we can see that these children may place anywhere along
the continuum from mildly affected to severely affected. At the
far end of the continuum is Reactive Attachment Disorder.
Depending on how far they are along this line, the road to
healthy maturity becomes increasingly more arduous. Once the baby
is born, he will need to move through the stages of development
with some success. To do this, he must first learn to become
attached to and bonded with a trustworthy mother figure. He will
learn from that mother and her attentive behavior to trust that
his needs will be taken care of. Eventually, he will trust that
when she leaves him, she will return, and when he begins
exploring, he can trust that she will be there when he
returns.



We can all understand the significance of trust. It is the basis
of every relationship throughout our lives. It is from our
ability to trust first our mothers and what they say and then
ourselves that a conscience is born, ethics are developed and a
sense of personal identity, an "I am" is achieved. "I am!" "I am
smart." "I am capable." 'I am honest." "I am proud." This is the
child who can control his urges in order to attain his goals. And
if he knows who he is and is satisfied with himself he can go on
to care for other people's feelings and learn how to take care of
others. He will learn how to do a job well, how to have a sense
of competence. He will naturally evolve, in Erik Erikson's terms,
"a sense of industry." This sense of industry, he asserts, is
what develops a lasting basis for cooperative participation in
productive adult life. When trust is not attained and
developmental goals are not being reached or are interrupted,
there is a sense of identity confusion, and an inability to feel
any confidence about who one is and how one fits into the world.
A crucial aspect of learning how to develop identity, Erikson
believes, is settling on an occupation with the accompanying
feeling, "This is what I do well, and this is what I have to
offer the world." The inability to settle on an occupational
identity is perhaps the most difficult obstacle to maturity for
many young people. One of the final achievements in development
is the ability for true intimacy with another, which can only
come when one is sure of a stable personal identity.



This attainment of intimacy is a feeling of being open to and
bonded to another while maintaining a sense of separate self.
There are various ways to achieve this goal, but all require long
term opportunity for exposure to a lifestyle that promotes the
ability to internalize a stable self. Such an opportunity eases
the transition into young adulthood. It is our role as adoptive
parents to help our children through this journey toward ultimate
maturity and a fulfilled life. Below are some suggestions to help
your child attach:



• Be attuned to your child's natural schedule for sleep,
feeding and play. There have already been many unpreventable
frustrations that this child has encountered, and there will
continue to be others. These are children who may not trust that
their needs will be met so they have a harder time dealing with
disappointments and delays. By focusing on the baby's needs and
wants rather than on the maintenance of an imposed schedule,
additional frustrations may be minimized. Therefore, parental
responses must be immediate and appropriate.



• Be attuned to your child's emotions. The child may be
grieving over the loss of an earlier caregiver. Allow him time to
mourn and be there to help him deal with the loss. It is
important at this time that his emotions be soothed. He should be
held, cradled and sung to but not denied opportunities to feel
his sadness.



• Maximize the time spent with your child. This is not a
child who should be left often with babysitters or other
surrogates. He needs consistent care from the primary caregiver
who must also do all of the feeding, bathing, changing and other
activities that facilitate bonding.



• Be consistent with attitude and performance. A child should
be able to trust that routines and responses will be consistent.
Feeding, napping, bedtime should be on a regular schedule and
emotional responses should also be predictable.



• Provide the model for a range of facial expressions such as
smiling and frowning and all of the expressions in between.
Maintain eye contact when tending your child so that he will
mimic your behaviors and maintain a feeling of being
connected.



• Maintain close physical contact so that your child feels as
if he is almost an extension of you. Hold the child whenever you
can, rock him, cuddle him and encourage him to touch your face
and hair. If you can't always hold him, keep him in the same
room. This will encourage a sense of security and comfort,
especially if he was not held enough before he joined your
family. Keep him on a bottle longer than is usual and use the
opportunity to hold him even more. Bathe with him. Such
activities as hand feeding while holding the child, rather than
propping a bottle, rocking, hugging, tickling, singing, massaging
and engaging in playful behavior while maintaining eye and
physical contact are essential. As he gets older and is toddling
and walking around, allow him to be your shadow to maintain that
closeness.



• Closely monitor your child's performance by staying with
him or encouraging him to check in frequently with you. As he
grows older, it is important to carefully supervise his chores
and homework. He needs you to see that work is done and done to
some previously established standard. Providing opportunities for
success will help build feelings of mastery and accomplishment.
Limit opportunities for your child to make poor decisions which
affect his sense of security and self-worth and thus jeopardize
the attachment. A child who feels good about himself feels
connected to others.



• Structure your child's time during the day so that there
are many opportunities to engage in meaningful activities and
idle time is minimized.



• Demonstrate affection regardless of your child's responses
to that affection. He needs to be held and kissed and stroked
even if he rejects these demonstrations of love.



• Nurture a happy and loving nature through shared play and
modeling playful behavior. Happy surprises, mystery activities,
silly moments are wonderful for developing this attitude. Toys
and objects that encourage attachments should be readily
available.



• Be aware of your child's need to behave as if at a younger
age and allow him time to be there. If he wants to talk "baby
talk" or crawl when he can walk, allow him opportunities to
regress. Conversely, allow opportunities for him to play out more
mature roles.



• Articulate your child's conscience until his sense of
morality is strongly developed. Simple conversations about the
relationship between cause and effect and the consequences of
alternative actions are important for these children.



• Avoid control battles. State what has to be done or what is
expected. Don't be diverted. If discipline is necessary, follow
up with a time for affection and reassurance to avoid leaving the
child with feelings of shame and worthlessness which will weaken
the attachment. Do not isolate your child with "time outs" alone
in his room. This will only increase his feelings of
separateness. Have him do his thinking time near you so that he
will feel safe and the bond will be reinforced even in difficult
times.



In spite of all these activities aimed at developing attachment
and eventually intimacy, it is critical to be aware that
occasionally the child must withdraw and have space in order to
stay balanced. While developing attachment, it will be necessary
for the major caretakers to keep in mind the ultimate goal and be
willing to go at the child's pace in order not to overwhelm him.
It will be a matter of inching him toward attachment rather than
insisting on it.

ADOPTION SERVICES INTERNATIONAL


If you or someone you love would like to expand your family,
provide a permanent home for a needy orphaned child, welcome a
sibling for an existing child or discover an alternative for
infertility treatments - contact us to learn more about Ukrainian
adoption, Adoption Services International can help.

Adoption Services International has extensive experience helping
adoptive parents make the process as smooth as possible, from the
very beginning of your decision to adopt, through bringing your
adopted child home to the US. Adoption Services International
unites loving US families with Ukrainian children. We provide a
unique professional, individualized, quality (including a maximum
guaranteed adoption fee), personal adoption experience, at
affordable cost and 20 years Ukrainian experience.


"http://www.adoptionservicesinternational.com/">www.adoptionservicesinternational.com


"mailto:info@asi-adoption.com">info@asi-adoption.com


908-444-0999


"https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption">https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption


Upcoming Events:


Free Presentation and Get Together: Experiences and Information
on Ukrainian Adoption

Come learn more about this adoption opportunity at this casual
information session.

Adoptive parents will have the opportunity to discuss their
personal experiences, and there will be plenty of time for
questions and answers, mingling and a chance to meet the
children.

Bilingual babysitting and light refreshments will be provided.
Bring the whole family!

Registration is required.

Details:


Join Us: Sunday, June 2, 2013 from 2:00 - 4:00pm

Location: United Methodist Church, 116 East Washington Ave.
Washington, NJ 07882

To find out more visit us at: "http://www.adoptionservicesinternational.com">www.adoptionservicesinternational.com
or "https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption">https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption

Space is limited. Please resister in advance:
"mailto:info@asi-adoption.com">info@asi-adoption.com
or 908-444-0999

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Portrait of An Adoption: A Mother's Perspective

This article does an amazing job addressing the many forms of
loss and how it can effect so many close to the adoption in
unexpected ways. This article goes beyond the expected and
addresses topics of how adoption effects your extended family and
other unexpected feelings regarding adoption.

Lessons Learned from An Imaginary Redhead

By Elisabeth O'Toole

Originally published on "http://www.chicagonow.com/portrait-of-an-adoption">Portrait of
an Adoption

Not long after I married my husband (a tall redhead), my mom and
I (both short and brunette) developed a plan. I was going to
finally fulfill some long-held desires she'd had for her family -
desires my siblings and I had not successfully satisfied. In the
anticipated daughter I would soon be having (yes, it would be a
girl), my mother was finally going to get not only a redheaded
baby in the family, but, later, a long, lean and very talented
basketball player.

I know this sounds like pressure, so I should admit that I had no
problem with this assumption. In fact, I'm sure I perpetuated it
far more than my mother did. After all, I was fully confident in
my ability to produce this child; the child I imagined for us
both.

That is not how things worked out.

As readers of Portrait of an Adoption well know, loss is a
fundamental and complicated aspect of any adoption. In order for
there to be gain - of a family, of a child - there must first be
loss. Birthmothers and birth relatives experience an often great
and abiding loss. The adopted child experiences loss - no matter
at what age he is adopted or under what conditions he was
adopted. Communities, foster parents, other children who may
remain, and caregivers may experience loss as a result of
adoption.

As an adoptive parent, I struggled with the loss of privacy, the
loss of control over this aspect of my life -becoming a parent-
and the loss of my imagined child - that redheaded
basketball player I had expected.

Like most adoptive parents, I was counseled to try to understand
the role that loss plays in adoption, and how it may be
experienced by others, birthparents and adoptees, especially.

And I was advised to acknowledge and grieve loss as an important
step toward adoptive parenthood.

I've come to believe that it's also important that we try to
consider how others, outside of the immediate adoption
triad might also experience loss related to adoption. This is
especially common for our closest relatives. Like adoptive
parents, it's not at all uncommon that others have also imagined
and anticipated a particular child or experience, both for us and
for themselves. When that expectation is unmet, other people may
experience aspects of that same loss that many of us triad
members do.

A grandfather described for me how his son's adoption plans meant
the end of his family's genealogical line. And the grandfather's
early resistance to the adoption - painful and frustrating for
his son - stemmed from that loss. He needed time to let go of a
lifelong (and reasonable) expectation. And he needed to mourn
that real and legitimate loss before he could welcome the
adoption.

A grandmother described for me her reaction to her daughter's
announcement that she was adopting. The grandmother couldn't
understand her own lack of enthusiasm, even sadness. After all,
she told herself, she just wanted her daughter to be happy. And
she'd always wanted to be a grandparent. She finally realized
part of what was holding her back was her reluctance to let go of
a dream she'd had, an experience she had long looked forward to.

For years, she'd pictured being with her daughter in a delivery
room, present at the very moment of birth of her first
grandchild. It was something she and her daughter had anticipated
together. That she would not have this experience was a loss
related to adoption that both of them had to acknowledge - and
grieve.

Neither of these grandparents, nor their adult children,
initially identified the grandparents' ambivalence toward
adoption as related to loss. Instead, their loved ones viewed
them as unsupportive and negative about adoption. But
acknowledging loss and then grieving it were steps these
grandparents needed to take. Just as the adoptive parents had.

In my own life as an adoptive parent, I didn't consider the
losses others might have experienced around my family's adoptions
until years after first adopting. I had begun talking to
adoptive grandparents and relatives from other families as
research for a book I was writing. And so it was, years after my
first adoption, I found myself reconsidering my own relatives'
reactions to adoption with new eyes. I finally came to recognize
that the people around me had lost that redheaded basketball
player, too. And I suddenly understood why one family member in
particular had reacted to our adoption plans as she had.

At the time, feeling vulnerable and still trying to understand
adoption myself, I couldn't understand or, frankly, have much
compassion for what seemed to be her knee-jerk resistance to
adoption. I thought this close relative was narrow-minded,
overly concerned with appearances and tradition. But after
making an effort to consider what this experience had been like
for someone who, like me, had long anticipated a particular child
and experience, I felt compassion for what I now understood was
another person's response to her own loss. I wish I'd had that
insight - and that vocabulary - at the time.

Though understanding loss is a standard discussion topic in
adoption education, we don't typically offer others - who are
also impacted by adoption - that language of loss. I think we
should.

Thinking about loss in this way reinforces for me how adoption is
not just about "us": my husband and I and our children. Rather,
it's about a larger "Us": our parents, our siblings, our close
friends and extended families. And as our family ages and our
circle expands, adoption includes our kids' friends, their
teachers, their caregivers, and the many other people who
comprise our family's adoption circle.

I've come to believe that one of the responsibilities we adoptive
parents take on when we adopt is to include others in adoption,
to bring them in on it. One way we can bring people in
is by acknowledging their own perspectives and experiences with
adoption, perhaps including loss. Other people - besides
adoptive parents - deserve the chance to ask questions and to
share their concerns and fears about adoption. Other people
need and deserve information and preparation for adoption.
Because other people are going to love and want to advocate for
our children and for adoption, too.

ADOPTION SERVICES INTERNATIONAL


If you or someone you love would like to expand your family,
provide a permanent home for a needy orphaned child, welcome a
sibling for an existing child or discover an alternative for
infertility treatments - contact us to learn more about Ukrainian
adoption, Adoption Services International can help.

Adoption Services International has extensive experience helping
adoptive parents make the process as smooth as possible, from the
very beginning of your decision to adopt, through bringing your
adopted child home to the US. Adoption Services International
unites loving US families with Ukrainian children. We provide a
unique professional, individualized, quality (including a maximum
guaranteed adoption fee), personal adoption experience, at
affordable cost and 20 years Ukrainian experience.


"http://www.adoptionservicesinternational.com/">www.adoptionservicesinternational.com


"mailto:info@asi-adoption.com">info@asi-adoption.com


908-444-0999


"https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption">https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption


Upcoming Events:


Free Presentation and Get Together: Experiences and Information
on Ukrainian Adoption

Come learn more about this adoption opportunity at this casual
information session.

Adoptive parents will have the opportunity to discuss their
personal experiences, and there will be plenty of time for
questions and answers, mingling and a chance to meet the
children.

Bilingual babysitting and light refreshments will be provided.
Bring the whole family!

Registration is required.

Details:


Join Us: Sunday, June 2, 2013 from 2:00 - 4:00pm

Location: United Methodist Church, 116 East Washington Ave.
Washington, NJ 07882

To find out more visit us at: "http://www.adoptionservicesinternational.com">www.adoptionservicesinternational.com
or "https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption">https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption

Space is limited. Please resister in advance:
"mailto:info@asi-adoption.com">info@asi-adoption.com
or 908-444-0999

powered by eggzack.com

Thursday, April 25, 2013

18 Things Never to Say to Adoptive Parents

Oh the crazy insensitive things people say to adoptive parents!



18 Things Never to Say to Adoptive Parents






They don't mean to be, but some friends and family can be
very insensitive about the subject of adoption
. I now
have several friends who have chosen to start or expand their
family this way and they often find themselves rolling their eyes
at what people say. It's as though they feel the right to ask
anything that comes to mind when they learn you have an adopted
child. The most common questions: "What happened to his real
parents?" As if you aren't the real parents. Or: "Where
is he from?" Like every adopted baby must be from some exotic,
Angelina Jolie-approved locale. But some comments and queries are
even more rude and ridiculous. Check out the 18
things you should never say to parents who have
adopted
.


  1. Does it bother you he won't ever look like you?

  2. Be honest, do you love your biological kids more?

  3. Why did they give her up? Is she sick?

  4. Did you ever think about giving him back if something's
    wrong?

  5. Wow, guess this is your good deed for the year!

  6. Don't you want children of your own?

  7. He's probably going to have abandonment issues.

  8. What if the parents come back for him?

  9. What is he?

  10. Why didn't you get a kid from America?

  11. Did you ever think about getting a black market baby instead
    of dealing with all this red tape?

  12. Did you adopt because you can't have any?

  13. When are you going to tell her she's adopted?

  14. Do your other kids know she's not the same?

  15. She is so lucky you took her in!

  16. Aren't you worried his parents passed on some illness or
    something?

  17. This is so great of you. You know, we thought about taking
    one of those poor children home during our vacay to the islands.

  18. Hey, you are pulling an Angelina!

What are rude things have people said to parents who've
adopted?

Image via "http://www.flickr.com/photos/matthewfane/3835101465/" target=
"_blank">mrgreen09
/Flickr

ADOPTION SERVICES INTERNATIONAL


If you or someone you love would like to expand your family,
provide a permanent home for a needy orphaned child, welcome a
sibling for an existing child or discover an alternative for
infertility treatments - contact us to learn more about Ukrainian
adoption, Adoption Services International can help.

Adoption Services International has extensive experience making
the process as smooth as possible, from the very beginning of
your decision to adopt, through bringing your adopted child home
to the US. Adoption Services International unites loving US
families with Ukrainian children. We provide a unique
professional, individualized, quality (including a maximum
guaranteed adoption fee), personal adoption experience, at
affordable cost and 20 years Ukrainian experience.


"http://www.adoptionservicesinternational.com/">www.adoptionservicesinternational.com


"mailto:info@asi-adoption.com">info@asi-adoption.com


908-444-0999


"https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption">https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption


Upcoming Events:

Free Presentation: Ukraine is Not Russia!

Ukrainian International Adoption: Opportunity, Challenges and
Process

Thursday, April 25, 2013; 6:00-8:00 pm

Califon Book Shop, 72 Main Street, Califon, NJ 07830


Free Presentation and Get Together: Experiences and
Information on Ukrainian Adoption


Sunday, June 2, 2013, 2:00-4:00 pm


Washington Township, NJ

Casual information session and opportunity for adoptive parents
to discuss their personal experiences. Plenty of time for
questions and answers, mingling and a chance to meet the
children. Bilingual babysitting and light refreshments will be
provided. Bring the whole family! Registration is required.

powered by eggzack.com

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Event: Children's Festival of Russian Culture: Fun Event for Adoptive Families in the NYC Area - Apr 27 @ 3:30pm

RACH-C's 7th Annual Children's Festival of Russian
Culture
returns to the "http://www.symphonyspace.org/" target="_blank" title=
"Peter Norton Symphony Space">Peter Norton Symphony Space
.
This year, half a dozen wonderful Children's Ensembles from NYC
Boroughs, Houston, Boston and Canada, are expected to grace the
Peter Norton Stage. Performances will feature classic music and
dances reaching back many generations from Russia, Ukraine and
other locations of the former Soviet Republic.

target="_blank" title="Children's Festival 2012">2012, the first
time the "Children's Festival" was held there
, resulted in a
well attended, well received, fun filled afternoon with
exceptionally talented children's groups from as far as Canada.
RACH-C is very
gratified to have won the " "http://rach-c.org/bodyevents/events2012#feb17" target=
"_blank">Silver Archer
" Award for our work with earlier
festivals and we are confident that this year's performances will
also be prize winners.

This year the theme of the festival is "Proud to be
Russian-American
," and we are privileged to be included
in the celebration of "Russian American History Month in New York
State".


Saturday April 27, 2013 - Curtain Time: 3:30 PM


Tickets: $20 (in advance) / $15 (Students/Seniors) / $25 (at the
door)


Peter Norton Symphony Space Theater

2537 Broadway at 95th Street

New York, NY 10025


"http://russianamericanhistorymonth.files.wordpress.com/2012/03/logo-rachc_pp.jpg?w=547"
alt="logo-rachc_pp">

Russian American Cultural Heritage Center is a
charitable and educational 501 C 3 not-for-profit organization,
dedicated to collecting, preserving, and disseminating the best
traditions, the history, the culture and the heritage of Russian
Americans, and to sharing them with their friends and neighbors.

ADOPTION SERVICES INTERNATIONAL


If you or someone you love would like to expand your family,
provide a permanent home for a needy orphaned child, welcome a
sibling for an existing child or discover an alternative for
infertility treatments - contact us to learn more about Ukrainian
adoption, Adoption Services International can help.

Adoption Services International has extensive experience making
the process as smooth as possible, from the very beginning of
your decision to adopt, through bringing your adopted child home
to the US. Adoption Services International unites loving US
families with Ukrainian children. We provide a unique
professional, individualized, quality (including a maximum
guaranteed adoption fee), personal adoption experience, at
affordable cost and 20 years Ukrainian experience.


"http://www.adoptionservicesinternational.com/">www.adoptionservicesinternational.com


"mailto:info@asi-adoption.com">info@asi-adoption.com


908-444-0999


"https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption">https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption


Upcoming Events:

Free Presentation: Ukraine is Not Russia!

Ukrainian International Adoption: Opportunity, Challenges and
Process

Thursday, April 25, 2013; 6:00-8:00 pm

Califon Book Shop, 72 Main Street, Califon, NJ 07830


Free Presentation and Get Together: Experiences and
Information on Ukrainian Adoption


Sunday, June 2, 2013, 2:00-4:00 pm


Washington Township, NJ

Casual information session and opportunity for adoptive parents
to discuss their personal experiences. Plenty of time for
questions and answers, mingling and a chance to meet the
children. Bilingual babysitting and light refreshments will be
provided. Bring the whole family! Registration is required.

powered by eggzack.com

Ukrainian Adoption Helps Prevent Falling in Love With A Photo, Rather Than the Whole Child


This is such a great article. One of the reasons I like Ukrainian
adoption is that you are not provided a referral and a photos you
fall in love with before you travel. You choose your child from
the government database of children available for international
adoption based not just on a photo but medical and social
history.



Even still, I think every adoptive parent experiences these
feelings to some degree throughout and after the adoption
process.



Falling in Love with a Fantasy Child

By "http://www.theadoptionmagazine.com/author/sharla/" title=
"sharla" class="fn n">sharla
Published in
Adoption Magazine

During the wait. Adoption usually involves
waiting. Some wait for months. Some wait for years. Some wait for
decades. During all that time spent waiting, it is only natural
that your brain begins to imagine this fantasy child, what he or
she will look like, what being a parent will feel like, what this
child will be like. Before long, no matter how hard you try not
to create a fantasy child in your brain, no matter how hard you
try not to get too excited, human nature has taken over and you
have an image of who this child is.

Preconception. And then the day comes when this
maybe child becomes a probably child. For some, that day is the
day they are chosen by a prospective birth mother. For others,
that day is the day that an official referral arrives for an
actual child, one with an actual picture. Suddenly, this child
isn't just a figment of your imagination. By holding their
picture in your hand or watching their movement on an ultrasound
screen, this child goes from a hope you barely dare whisper to a
person you love instantly. You begin to have preconceptions based
on what they look like, what their expression is, even what they
are wearing, as to what their personality will be.

Falling in love. You spend hours dreaming about
your child. Even though you know you should try not to have
expectations about what they will be like, what their personality
is or how they will relate to you, it's next to impossible not to
have preconceived notions. After all those years of anticipation,
you can't help but fall completely in love with this child who
you already feel as if you know.

Reality hits. In rare cases, the flesh and bone
child may live up to your fantasy child, but most of the time,
there is a disconnect between the two. The child you imagined
would surely love you back right away (even if you know logically
that this is not likely) and doesn't pull away from you, spit at
you, cry all night, or reject you. Not all cases of reality are
as shocking as raging or attachment issues. Perhaps the child you
pictured was quiet and the child you have turns out to be
extremely outgoing and active. That's not necessarily a bad
thing, but it is an adjustment from what you had prepared for.

Grieving the child that wasn't. The discrepancy
between the fantasy child or fantasy adoption and the reality can
be one of the contributing factor of "http://www.theadoptionmagazine.com/2012/04/26/post-adoption-depression/"
target="_blank">post adoption depression
. This is one of the
reasons why it is so important to acknowledge the loss of this
imagined child or imagined life and grieve for that fantasy.

Accepting what is. Dreaming about adopting is
very different from the reality of adopting. It is only after
grieving for the child that wasn't that you can truly begin to
attach to the child that is.

powered by eggzack.com

Event: Casual Ukrainian Adoption Information Session and Ukrainian Adoptive Families Networking - Jun 2 @ 2:00pm

Casual Ukrainian Adoption Information Session and
Ukrainian Adoptive Families Networking

If you have ever considered adoption, this is a wonderful
opportunity to learn more about the Ukrainian adoption program
and meet local NJ families that have adopted and are in the
process of adopting from Ukraine.

With over thousands Caucasian children available for
international adoption, Ukraine is a sizable source of adopted
children in the US, yet many parents considering adoption have
never heard about this European adoption program. There are many
unique characteristics of Ukrainian adoption that are very
different from most international and domestic adoptions.
Ukrainian adoptions generally take less than a year, adoptive
parents choose their child or children based on medical history,
there is no age limit for older parents and it is affordable in
comparison to other programs. Children are generally available
from age 5 and older.

Come learn more about this adoption opportunity at this casual
information session. Susan Kibler, adoptive Mom and Ukrainian
Adoption Specialist will provide information about Adoption
Services International's Ukrainian adoption services, as well as
the unique challenges and opportunities that international
adoption provides for both children and their adoptive parents.

Adoptive parents will have the opportunity to discuss their
personal experiences, and there will be plenty of time for
questions and answers, mingling and a chance to meet the
children.

Bilingual babysitting and light refreshments will be provided.
Bring the whole family! Registration is required.

Details:


Join Us: Sunday, June 2, 2013 from 2:00 - 4:00pm

Location: United Methodist Church, 116 East Washington Ave.
Washington, NJ 07882

To find out more visit us at: "http://www.adoptionservicesinternational.com">www.adoptionservicesinternational.com
or "https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption">https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption

Space is limited. Please resister in advance:
"mailto:info@asi-adoption.com">info@asi-adoption.com
or 908-444-0999

powered by eggzack.com

Saturday, April 20, 2013

EU Considers Landmark Political Association With Ukraine: Great News for Ukrainian Adopted Children



As the world has become more international, terrorist events
and a bad economy have led to protectionist measures. It is
hard to get work and educational visas for all countries. It
would be a great gift for our Ukrainian adopted children if
they could travel, work and go to schools freely throughout
Europe.


Also the benefit to Ukraine can not be underestimated. It would
be a great step, financially and politically.


by Deutche Welle:


The European Parliament has been handed a new report looking at
Ukraine, which could ultimately pave the way to a landmark
political association and free trade agreement with the
European Union.

European Parliament envoys on Thursday (18.04.2013) said
efforts to reach out to Ukraine in the buildup to Kiev's
landmark association deal with Brussels were seeing some
progress, but that challenges lie ahead.

Pat Cox, the European Parliament's envoy and former
president, and former Polish president, Aleksander
Kwasniewski, presented the report on Ukraine to the European
Parliament. The report is crucial for the decision to move
ahead with a planned association agreement with Ukraine,
which includes provisions for a broad free trade deal. The
agreements have been on hold for months due to the domestic
political situation in Ukraine.

Observers rate the amnesty issued to former Interior Minister
Yuriy Lutsenko, a close ally of jailed former Prime Minister
Yulia Tymoshenko, as particularly favorable. It was in fact
one of the main goals of the Cox-Kwasniewski mission, Valeriy
Tschalyi of Kiev's Razumkov Center told Deutsche Welle.

In early April, President Viktor Yanukovych signed a decree
pardoning six people, including Lutsenko and Ukraine's former
environment minister Georgy Filipchuk. The EU had repeatedly
criticized selective justice against opposition politicians,
branding it one of the main hurdles to signing the accords
with Ukraine.

Important step forward

Commissioned by the European Parliament, Cox and Kwasniewski
visited Ukraine numerous times over the past months. Elmar
Brok, chairman of the European Parliament Committee on
Foreign Affairs, says the outcome is favorable, adding that
he expects more from the government in Kyiv.

"I am disappointed in the Ukrainian government's attitude. It
is conducting the process of harmonization with the EU much
too slowly", he told DW, saying that selective justice must
disappear and electoral laws and certain criminal law
regulations must be rewritten. Provisions regulating the
office of the attorney general in particular do not
correspond with European standards, Brok said, underscoring
that the Cox-Kwasniewski mission might be helpful concerning
these issues. Their mandate is scheduled to be extended and
linked to these tasks.

European politicians expect more from Ukraine, and Andreas
Umland, a German political scientist, comes to the same
conclusion. Lutsenko's pardon helped clear the air, however,
he says. Over the past few months, the West saw nothing but
negative signals from Kyiv, including irregularities in
parliamentary elections, new criminal proceedings against
Tymoshenko and, in March, a court order stripped her lawyer,
Sergei Vlasenko, of his mandate in parliament. "If Tymoshenko
is set free now, too, then there will probably be a positive
decision by the European Commission in May," Umland says.

Time is short

May is the deadline, according to the EU plan, for Ukraine to
fulfil its requirements. Then, the political association and
free trade deal with the European Union could be signed by
the end of the year.

Volodymyr Fesenko of the Penta Center for Political Studies
in Kyiv is skeptical. He assumes Tymoshenko will not be
pardoned, and expects electoral law reforms to fail. "The
current relationship between the opposition and the majority
in parliament does not allow for a compromise on such complex
issues," Fesenko told DW.

It is not clear how the EU will react if Tymoshenko is not
set free and the other conditions are not met. Possibly,
Fesenko says, the planned free trade accord will be separated
from the question of EU association. In that case, contested
political issues could be ignored for the time being.

Fesenko can also imagine both accords being signed this year.
The ratification process that the agreements must go through
in EU member states would keep the pressure on the Ukrainian
leadership, he said.

ADOPTION SERVICES INTERNATIONAL


If you or someone you love would like to expand your family,
provide a permanent home for a needy orphaned child, welcome
a sibling for an existing child or discover an alternative
for infertility treatments - contact us to learn more about
Ukrainian adoption, Adoption Services International can help.

Adoption Services International has extensive experience
making the process as smooth as possible, from the very
beginning of your decision to adopt, through bringing your
adopted child home to the US. Adoption Services International
unites loving US families with Ukrainian children. We provide
a unique professional, individualized, quality (including a
maximum guaranteed adoption fee), personal adoption
experience, at affordable cost and 20 years Ukrainian
experience.


"http://www.adoptionservicesinternational.com/">www.adoptionservicesinternational.com


"mailto:info@asi-adoption.com">info@asi-adoption.com


908-444-0999


"https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption">https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption


Upcoming
Events:

Free Presentation: Ukraine is Not Russia!

Ukrainian International Adoption: Opportunity, Challenges and
Process

Thursday, April 25, 2013; 6:00-8:00 pm

Califon Book Shop, 72 Main Street, Califon, NJ 07830


Free Presentation and Get Together: Experiences and
Information on Ukrainian Adoption


Sunday, June 2, 2013, 2:00-4:00 pm


Washington Township, NJ (More details to come.)


An opportunity to learn more about Ukrainian adoption and
meet adoptive parents and their families.


powered by eggzack.com

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

How To Talk With Your Children About the Boston Bombings


"http://www.babble.com/mom/how-will-you-talk-to-your-kids-about-the-boston-bombings/">
Excellent article on how to speak with your children about
the Boston bombings. Sad that we so often need to address this
topic.



"http://www.babble.com/mom/how-will-you-talk-to-your-kids-about-the-boston-bombings/">
Expert Advice: Talking to Your Kids About the Boston Bombings

By "http://www.babble.com/contributor/joslyngray/" title=
"Posts by joslyngray">joslyngray

I really can't believe I'm writing this post. I feel like
target="_blank">I just wrote it four months ago, after the
tragedy in Newtown, Connecticut. But with the realization that I
can do almost nothing from several states away to help the people
of Boston, I hope that I can at least help parents around the
country in deciding how to talk to their kids about what happened
at the Boston Marathon. Parent educator and psychotherapist
Dr.
Elaine Heffner
, LCSW, Ed.D., offered some helpful advice this
morning in a phone interview.

At first, I thought that kids might not react as strongly to this
news story as they did to the Sandy Hook Elementary School
shootings, because that involved a lot of children in a place
that's supposed to be safe. However, as this story unfolds, we
know that, in fact, "http://www.bostonglobe.com/metro/2013/04/15/three-killed-more-than-injured-marathon-blast/QQOiYNU2n1vt1Xul3BXVsL/story.html"
target="_blank">many children were directly affected
. Public
schools are closed in Boston on the day of the Boston Marathon,
so many children were there to cheer on the runners. Many
children were injured; eight-year-old "http://abcnews.go.com/US/year-died-boston-marathon-waiting-greet-father/story?id=18965706#.UW1NLrXvvzw"
target="_blank">Martin Richard
died waiting to greet his
father at the finish line.

It was a marathon: a celebration of health, happiness, endurance,
community. A celebration of Boston. No matter what comes of the
investigation, no matter who is responsible, this is terrorism.

We have four kids; twin girls in sixth grade, another daughter in
third grade, and a son in first grade. I didn't talk with them
about this last night because honestly, all three of our
daughters have diagnosed anxiety disorders, and bedtime is not
the right time for a discussion like this. Our son, who has
Asperger Syndrome, tends to be very anxious too.

I didn't talk about this yet with my nine-year-old daughter and
seven-year-old son. I should have. It will come up in school
today, certainly for my third grader. Dr. Heffner concurred.

"I spoke with a dad this morning whose 10-year-old daughter
received a text, 'let's pray for the people in Boston,'" she said
to me in a phone interview. "Even little kids today walk around
with cell phones. It's a technological world, so it's very hard
to know what your children are picking up. Even if they haven't
watched the news, they're connected in other ways."

One issue holding me up on discussing it with them was knowing
what was age-appropriate. Should I even talk about it with my
seven-year-old? Can I possibly skip it altogether with my
nine-year-old? She has massive anxiety issues and she's
currently recovering from post-concussion syndrome, and I know
that this will trigger some difficulties for her.

Dr. Heffner advised me not to focus what's appropriate for their
age, but rather what's appropriate for their developmental level,
and what else is going in their lives. "There's no one-size-fits
all answer to these questions," she said. "If a child has ongoing
issues like anxiety, you probably have some resources to use in
terms of how this will impact her. But at age nine, she is going
to be getting some feedback on this. Undoubtedly it will come up
in school one way or another."

So, yes, I need to talk with my younger kids , too: both of them,
bearing in mind that they're already anxious people. I'll talk to
them after school. Conveniently, we have an appointment with our
therapist tonight, but even if we didn't, she's only a phone call
away.

Before I talk with them, I need to remember to keep my own
anxiety in check, Dr. Heffner suggests. "As parents, we have our
own anxiety," she noted. "We have anxiety about the thing that
happened, and then we have anxiety about how it will impact our
children. Our job is to not put that anxiety on our children."

Parents should start by finding out what their children already
know (or think they know) about what happened in Boston, Dr.
Heffner advised. Then, present the facts.

"You have to acknowledge that something bad happened," Dr.
Heffner said. "We can't protect children from that. They know
there are bad guys in the world. This is not something they can
go through life without confronting. Our job as parents is to be
there for them, and reassure them as much as we can, that we will
protect them.

"You have to tell them, so that they begin to develop the ability
to deal with these things on their own."

Children may not react the way we expect them to, and they may
not understand the implications of what happened, and that's
okay, said Dr. Heffner.

"It's a reflection of the way children are," she said. "They are
literal. They are focused on concrete things. They don't always
react to things exactly as we do."

On a personal note, this is a huge score for those of us with
kids on the spectrum because we know alllllll about
being literal and focusing on concrete things.

This morning, I did discuss what happened with my older
daughters. In their middle school, they watch the news. They will
hear about it. Rumors will fly. It is always better for
us to have the conversation at home rather than let them hear
garbled information from their peers. It is always better for us
to provide context, give the facts, head off rumors.

I told them what happened: that two bombs went off near the
finish line of the Boston Marathon, at a time when many, many
runners were coming through. That three people died, including an
eight-year-old boy. That as of latest reports, 145 people were
injured, some of them still in critical condition.

I answered their questions: no, we don't know who did it. We
don't know how many people are responsible. Boston police are
working with lots of other government agencies to find out who
did it. I reminded them that terrorist doesn't mean the
same thing as Muslim, but that a lot of people think it
does.

I told them that it's important to remember that yes, there are
bad people in the world, but that there are many, many more good
people than bad. I told them about people who helped, people who
ran toward the explosion, people who cleared the path for
ambulances. I told them about people who opened their homes to
strangers, even though we don't know who did this. I told them
about marathon runners who crossed the street and donated blood
after running for four hours.

What I didn't do: I didn't show them photos. I can barely handle
them myself. I saw one of a man in a wheelchair, who was missing
the lower parts of both legs. The man running alongside the
wheelchair appeared to be holding an IV. It wasn't. It was the
victim's femoral artery he was clamping shut with his fingers.

Is it important to for me, an adult, to know the truth of what
happened, the horror of it? Yes. Do my 12-year-olds need to see
that kind of thing? No.

"I think parents should always should use guidance on
what their children watch and don't watch," said Dr. Heffner,
while also reminding parents that kids with social media accounts
(or even friends with social media accounts) may be seeing more
than you think.

Especially coming on the heels of the Sandy Hook tragedy, parents
are wise to always be observant of their children's behavior.
"Observe what your child is communicating to you through their
behavior," said Dr. Heffner. "If you're seeing signs that
something is really bothering them-sleep disruptions, nail-biting
that wasn't there before-ask them what's going on."

But don't ask them about Boston right off the bat, because they
might be worried about something much closer to home;
standardized testing, softball try-outs, friend drama.

Dr. Heffner recommended opening up a conversation with "I think
you're worried about something. I see that you're having trouble
sleeping. Do you have any thoughts about what may be bothering
you?"

If your child doesn't open up, you can try digging a little bit
more. "What happened in Boston was pretty upsetting. I wonder if
you're worried about that."

Dr. Heffner, who is also the author of "http://www.amazon.com/Goodenoughmothering-Best-LCSW-Elaine-Heffner/dp/147971609X/"
target="_blank">GoodEnoughMothering
, said that
often, just talking with a parent and knowing that someone
understands, will help resolve the issue.

"No one knows a child as well as the parent," she noted. "And
parents can do a lot on their own. We live in a world where
there's a very quick assumption, that if something's wrong, you
need outside help immediately. I believe that parents have a lot
more skill and power than they think they do."

Dr. Heffner clarified that if a child's worries are interfering
with daily life, it might be time to seek some help. "Obviously,
if the worrying persists, and interferes with their functioning,
you might want to talk with somebody about it."

"The most important thing you can do is to really be in touch
with your own child," she added.

Have you talked with your kids about the bombings at the
Boston Marathon? I'd love for you to share in in the comments
what's worked for you and your family.

Read more from Joslyn on "http://www.babble.com/contributor/joslyngray/">Babble and at
her blog, stark.
raving. mad. mommy
. You can also follow Joslyn on "http://www.facebook.com/starkravingmadmommy">Facebook,
Twitter, and
"http://pinterest.com/starkravingmadm/">Pinterest.

ADOPTION SERVICES INTERNATIONAL


If you or someone you love would like to expand your family,
provide a permanent home for a needy orphaned child, welcome a
sibling for an existing child or discover an alternative for
infertility treatments - contact us to learn more about Ukrainian
adoption, Adoption Services International can help.

Adoption Services International has extensive experience making
the process as smooth as possible, from the very beginning of
your decision to adopt, through bringing your adopted child home
to the US. Adoption Services International unites loving US
families with Ukrainian children. We provide a unique
professional, individualized, quality (including a maximum
guaranteed adoption fee), personal adoption experience, at
affordable cost and 20 years Ukrainian experience.


"http://www.adoptionservicesinternational.com/">www.adoptionservicesinternational.com


"mailto:info@asi-adoption.com">info@asi-adoption.com


908-444-0999


"https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption">https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption


Upcoming Events:

Free Presentation: Ukraine is Not Russia!

Ukrainian International Adoption: Opportunity, Challenges and
Process

Thursday, April 25, 2013; 6:00-8:00 pm

Califon Book Shop, 72 Main Street, Califon, NJ 07830


Free Presentation and Get Together: Experiences and Information
on Ukrainian Adoption


Sunday, June 2, 2013, 2:00-4:00 pm


Washington Township, NJ (More details to come.)


An opportunity to learn more about Ukrainian adoption and meet
adoptive parents and their families.


powered by eggzack.com

Ways to Safeguard Against International Child Trafficking Are Not What You Might Expect

".reactRoot[3].[1][3][1]{comment583367465015600_585678898117790}.0.[1].0.[1].0.[0].[0][2]"
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".reactRoot[3].[1][3][1]{comment583367465015600_585678898117790}.0.[1].0.[1].0.[0].[0][2].0.[0]">
Yesterday on NPR was a radio piece on how the evangelical
Christian movement fueled the adoption and then very questionable
adoption practices in Guatemala, then
Ethiopia.

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".reactRoot[3].[1][3][1]{comment583367465015600_585678898117790}.0.[1].0.[1].0.[0].[0][2].0.[0]">
Despite what you may or may not think about this movement, I
think the main points to learn from this radio program are very
important:

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".reactRoot[3].[1][3][1]{comment583367465015600_585678898117790}.0.[1].0.[1].0.[0].[0][2].0.[0]">
1. That a giant step forward would be for the agencies IN THE US
to be held responsible for the information they provide, or fail
to provide, about children about children they are placing with
families. There are situations because of the profit motive (and
yes this applies to non-for-profits and non-governmental
organization who must also insure that they have enough funds to
run their organizations and pay employees) where the children are
taken from parents under false pretenses and are not orphans at
all. If US agencies were held responsible for the legal/social
status of the children they placed, there would be a totally new
level of scrutiny.

".reactRoot[3].[1][3][1]{comment583367465015600_585678898117790}.0.[1].0.[1].0.[0].[0][2]"
data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"> ".reactRoot[3].[1][3][1]{comment583367465015600_585678898117790}.0.[1].0.[1].0.[0].[0][2].0">
".reactRoot[3].[1][3][1]{comment583367465015600_585678898117790}.0.[1].0.[1].0.[0].[0][2].0.[0]">
In e, only the government of Ukraine may place children to
international adoptive parents in a very strict system where only
children whose birth parents have irrevocably released all rights
to the children are available.

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".reactRoot[3].[1][3][1]{comment583367465015600_585678898117790}.0.[1].0.[1].0.[0].[0][2].0.[0]">
2. That countries like Rwanda and Ukraine that have taken the
position that the important thing is to evaluate carefully
adoptive parents and ensure a good match with a child, rather
than making the process as fast and easy for adoptive parents as
possible have not see the abuses and questionable practices as
seen in other countries.

".reactRoot[3].[1][3][1]{comment583367465015600_585678898117790}.0.[1].0.[1].0.[0].[0][2]"
data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"> ".reactRoot[3].[1][3][1]{comment583367465015600_585678898117790}.0.[1].0.[1].0.[0].[0][2].0">
".reactRoot[3].[1][3][1]{comment583367465015600_585678898117790}.0.[1].0.[1].0.[0].[0][2].0.[0]">
Take a listen:
"http://www.wnyc.org/npr_articles/2013/apr/16/how-evangelical-christians-are-preaching-the-new-gospel-of-adoption/"
target=
"_blank">http://www.wnyc.org/npr_articles/2013/apr/16/how-evangelical-christians-are-preaching-the-new-gospel-of-adoption/

ADOPTION SERVICES INTERNATIONAL


If you or someone you love would like to expand your family,
provide a permanent home for a needy orphaned child, welcome a
sibling for an existing child or discover an alternative for
infertility treatments - contact us to learn more about Ukrainian
adoption, Adoption Services International can help.

Adoption Services International has extensive experience making
the process as smooth as possible, from the very beginning of
your decision to adopt, through bringing your adopted child home
to the US. Adoption Services International unites loving US
families with Ukrainian children. We provide a unique
professional, individualized, quality (including a maximum
guaranteed adoption fee), personal adoption experience, at
affordable cost and 20 years Ukrainian experience.


"http://www.adoptionservicesinternational.com/">www.adoptionservicesinternational.com


"mailto:info@asi-adoption.com">info@asi-adoption.com


908-444-0999


"https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption">https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption


Upcoming Events:

Free Presentation: Ukraine is Not Russia!

Ukrainian International Adoption: Opportunity, Challenges and
Process

Thursday, April 25, 2013; 6:00-8:00 pm

Califon Book Shop, 72 Main Street, Califon, NJ 07830


Free Presentation and Get Together: Experiences and Information
on Ukrainian Adoption


Sunday, June 2, 2013, 2:00-4:00 pm


Washington Township, NJ (More details to come.)


An opportunity to learn more about Ukrainian adoption and meet
adoptive parents and their families.

".reactRoot[3].[1][3][1]{comment583367465015600_585678898117790}.0.[1].0.[1].0.[0].[0][2]"
data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"> ".reactRoot[3].[1][3][1]{comment583367465015600_585678898117790}.0.[1].0.[1].0.[0].[0][2].0">
"http://www.wnyc.org/npr_articles/2013/apr/16/how-evangelical-christians-are-preaching-the-new-gospel-of-adoption/"
target="_blank">

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"http://www.wnyc.org/npr_articles/2013/apr/16/how-evangelical-christians-are-preaching-the-new-gospel-of-adoption/"
target="_blank">

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Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Russia Bans 18 US Officials in Retaliation: Where The Russian Adoption Ban Started

"{"type":3}">In a game of tit
for tat, Russia bans 18 US officials. I think if we want Russia
to open up their adoptions, US politicians of all colors need to
do some serious fence mending politically with Russian
officials.



As this article states: The US "Magnitsky Law infuriated Russian
authorities, and Parliament quickly passed a retaliatory measure
than banned Americans from adopting Russian children.
Russia also has banned US funding
for any non-governmental organization deemed to be engaging in
politics".



"I think that both sides showed a definite restraint because in
Washington and in Moscow there were hotheads demanding to inflate
the list to an unthinkable size," Parliament member Vyacheslav
Nikonov, who focuses on foreign affairs, was quoted as saying by
the news agency Interfax.



The ITAR-Tass news agency quoted Deputy Foreign Minister Sergei
Ryabkov as saying there also is a "closed part" of the list of
banned Americans and that the United States knows of its
existence.



"_blank">http://www.arabnews.com/news/448026

ADOPTION SERVICES INTERNATIONAL


If you or someone you love would like to expand your family,
provide a permanent home for a needy orphaned child, welcome a
sibling for an existing child or discover an alternative for
infertility treatments - contact us to learn more about Ukrainian
adoption, Adoption Services International can help.

Adoption Services International has extensive experience making
the process as smooth as possible, from the very beginning of
your decision to adopt, through bringing your adopted child home
to the US. Adoption Services International unites loving US
families with Ukrainian children. We provide a unique
professional, individualized, quality (including a maximum
guaranteed adoption fee), personal adoption experience, at
affordable cost and 20 years Ukrainian experience.


"http://www.adoptionservicesinternational.com/">www.adoptionservicesinternational.com


"mailto:info@asi-adoption.com">info@asi-adoption.com


908-444-0999


"https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption">https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption


Upcoming Events:

Free Presentation: Ukraine is Not Russia!

Ukrainian International Adoption: Opportunity, Challenges and
Process

Thursday, April 25, 2013; 6:00-8:00 pm

Califon Book Shop, 72 Main Street, Califon, NJ 07830


Free Presentation and Get Together: Experiences and Information
on Ukrainian Adoption


Sunday, June 2, 2013, 2:00-4:00 pm


Washington Township, NJ (More details to come.)


An opportunity to learn more about Ukrainian adoption and meet
adoptive parents and their families.

"{"type":3}"> "text_exposed_show"> target="_blank">

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