Thursday, November 8, 2012

Five Tips for Bonding And Attachment With Your Ukrainian Adopted Child

Bonding and attachment are major worries when you are adopting
from Ukraine and everywhere. When you are adopting and older
Ukrainian child like I did, you tend to worry even more, even
though studies say age is not a significant factor in attachment
and bonding issues.

I like this article because it shares that bonding is something
biological parents are concerned with too. We adoptive parents
often forget this. I like his main points: have reasonable
expectations, especially early on; nurturing and responding to
your child's needs; communicating constantly with your child;
play with your child, and touch your child. I agree, whatever the
age of your Ukrainian adopted child, these 5 tips will help you
connect with your child and your child connect with you.


Kori Rodley Irons

One of the major fears adoptive parents (and grandparents) face
is whether they will connect and bond with the newest addition to
their family. Many adoptive parents don't realize that biological
parents have some of the same fears, but adoption is a process
that seems to lend itself to worries and concerns - with so much
time to wait and wonder! There are some tips and ideas to help
parents feel active in promoting the bonding process - whether
you are adopting a newborn, older baby, or older child.

1. Before your child ever arrives, join an adoption support group
or network with other adoptive parents. The more you are able to
talk through your fears, learn suggestions and hear stories from
other parents, the more you will be prepared and have reasonable
expectations of the initial months with your baby or child.
Reading books onparentingand adoptive parenting, watching DVDs
and programs - all of these will help you feel ready when your
child is placed in your arms.

2. Once your child arrives, focus on nurturing and meeting the
infant or child's needs. This is one of the main ways that
parents and children bond to each other, regardless of whether
they are adopted or biological. Pay attention to the nurturing
tasks you are doing for your child - feeding, changing, dressing,
holding. By coming to your child when called and when you are
needed, you will build trust and a feeling of safety which is at
the basis of bonding. Responding to your baby's cries, your
toddler's perceived "neediness" and your older child's fears with
consistency, love and gentleness will let them know that you are
the parent and you can be depended on. For babies and children -
dependency is a good thing!

3. Talk to your new child. Language is a key element of
connection and will help your child in his development. If your
child is developmentally delayed or you have adopted from another
country, language will be a major way in which you help your
child become acclimated to his or her new home and culture. Even
with a newborn, it is important to talk and sing and coo and use
your voice to share information and emotion. Talk while you are
doing caretaking tasks, talk about what you are doing, talk while
you're taking a walk. Even though you may think your child
doesn't understand you, you are conveying attachment and sharing
information when you talk to her.

4. Play. Play is one of the joys of both parenthood and
childhood. Before you know it, your new child will be in the
terrible teens and you will miss the days when you were her
favorite playmate. If your child is older or from an orphanage,
he may not have had the opportunity to play and learn from games
and silliness. It may be your job to teach him how to just be a
kid and play. For infants and babies, traditional games like
peek-a-boo and singing games are wonderful ways to interact and
bond, as well as teach your baby. With an older child, playing
will be one of more pleasurable ways that you are able to connect
as you share age-appropriate playful activities.

5. Touch. This may seem like a no brainer, but touch is a key
element in attachment. With an infant or baby, you will be
holding your child to feed, rock, and comfort. But older babies
who have been in orphanages, may not be used to being held and
touched - they may stiffen or balk when you try to touch them.
Gradually, introduce non-threatening ways to touch your older
child - a pat on the leg or arm, asking permission to brush their
hair, etc. Also use your body as a physical presence in
communicating with your child - sit down on the ground with him
when talking or playing, reading books is a good way to create
physical closeness as is working together on a project like play
dough or painting. As your child grows to trust you, touch will
come more naturally and soon hugs and kisses will be an easy form
of communication.

These are a few, main ways you can create bonding opportunities
and feel more connected to your newly-adopted child. Give
yourself time and try to remain pleasant and positive. Look for
signs that attachment is occurring to give yourself boosts of
confidence. As your child begins to come to you when fearful, try
to get your attention when he is being silly or playful, or
turning to you for affection - you'll know that you are an
attached, bonded family.

Adoption Services International unites loving US families with
Ukrainian children. We provide a unique combination of
professional, individualized, quality service (including a
maximum guaranteed adoption fee), personal adoption experience,
affordable local cost and 20 years Ukrainian experience.

If you or someone you love would like to expand your family,
provide a permanent home for a needy orphaned child, welcome a
sibling for an existing child or discover an alternative for
infertility treatments - contact us to learn more about Ukrainian
adoption, Adoption Services International can help.


Upcoming Events:

Ukrainian Adoption 101:

Conversation On International Adoption: Opportunity, Process,
Concerns and Questions

Monday, November 12, 2012 6:00-7:00PM

Location: Califon Book Store: 72 Main Street, Califon, New Jersey

Ukrainian Adoption Information Meeting

Wednesday, November 28, 2012 7:00-8:00PM

Location: Wellness Rocks: 133 Rupell Road, Clinton, New Jersey

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1 comment:

  1. but we would receive text from her right after the adoption checking in on Lemmon (we personally loved it) She knew it was done legally but emotionally, she wasn't ready to go. AND THAT'S OKAY! Embrace it! click here