Thursday, November 1, 2012

Attachment With Your Ukrainian Adopted Child Is A Two Way Street

During the Ukrainian adoption process and even after adopting,
adoptive parents worry a lot about attachment with their
Ukrainian adopted child. We have all heard stories of children
with attachment disorders and the strain it places on their
families. I love the fact that in Ukraine adoptive parents get an
opportunity to spend time with their adoptive child in that
child's environment. This is a chance to start the attachment
process gently.

Yet, as Dawn from Creating A Family says, it is a two way street.
We as adoptive parents need to work on attaching to our Ukrainian
adoptive children. Try to learn as much Russian as possible so
you can communicate at least the basics (I love you! I am your
Mama. I am your Papa. And identify hunger, thirst and bathroom

Attachment in Adoption is a Two Way Street

Posted by Dawn -

We talk a lot about helping our kids attach to us, and often
overlook the fact that parents also need to work on attaching to
their child. Although this is necessary with all kids regardless
how they came to be ours, it is especially important with adopted
kids, and even more important if you are adopting a child who
comes with a history that you haven't shared. (I suppose all
adopted children have a history we haven't share, but I am
specifically referring to adopting children past infancy.)

Parental attachment follows the same four general styles of
attachment -secure, ambivalent, avoidant, and disorganized. Carol
gave a simple "test" we can use to determine our attachment style
with our child.

How do you feel in that first moment when you see your child
after a separation?

For some reason that simple question gives me goose bumps.My
prayer for all childreneverywhere is that they have at least one
person in their life whose eyes light up when they walk in the
room. That ought to be a birthright.

The good news is that just like we can help our kiddos improve
their attachment to us, we can also help ourselves to improve our
attachment to our kids. And, given that we are the adults in the
situation, it should be easier. How to improve parental
attachment was beyond the scope of yesterday's Creating a Family
show (sounds like a great topic for a future show), but I know
for me what seems to work is to look for similarities (we both
like clothes shopping), appreciate the differences (once he is
able to direct all that energy there will be no stopping that
boy), and making sure that at least once a week you do something
with your child that is fun for both of you. OK, that's my
summary, now what has worked for you?

Adoption Services International unites loving US families with
Ukrainian children. We provide a unique combination of
professional, individualized, quality service (including a
maximum guaranteed adoption fee), personal adoption experience,
affordable local cost and 20 years Ukrainian experience.

If you or someone you love would like to expand your family,
provide a permanent home for a needy orphaned child, welcome a
sibling for an existing child or discover an alternative for
infertility treatments - contact us to learn more about Ukrainian
adoption, Adoption Services International can help.


Upcoming Events:

Ukrainian Adoption 101:

Conversation On International Adoption: Opportunity, Process,
Concerns and Questions

Monday, November 12, 2012 6:00-7:00PM

Location: Califon Book Store: 72 Main Street, Califon, New Jersey

Ukrainian Adoption Information Meeting

Wednesday, November 28, 2012 7:00-8:00PM

Location: Wellness Rocks: 133 Rupell Road, Clinton, New Jersey

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