Sunday, May 13, 2012

Mother’s Day is Not Always a Day of Celebration

A couple of years ago, about this time of year, I was talking
with a pastor friend of mine. I mentioned how hard Mother's Day
is for women who are struggling with infertility and for birth
mothers who have placed a child for adoption. I suppose I
thought I might be helping to educate her on the complexities of
this day of celebrating motherhood. She sighed and surprised me
by saying that Mother's Day is a nightmare for the church, and
that she was always thankful when it was over. It's not just the
infertile who find this day painful, but also anyone who has lost
a child or is estranged from a child. Women whose children are
struggling with addiction or are in jail often find Mother's Day
sad too since some feel like failures as a mother. Single women
who want to be a mom and feel time passing them by feel their
loss more intensely on this day set aside to celebrate the joys
of motherhood. And then there is the view from the other side of
the mother/child relationship: women who have lost their mothers
or are estranged from their mothers may dread this day that
reminds them of their loss. Wow! I felt humbled.

I thought of how myopic I've been. As a daughter, I liked having
a day to honor my mother. As a mom, I liked having a day where
my kids and husband honor me. As someone immersed in the world
of infertility and adoption, I was aware of how Mother's Day
affects the infertile and birthmothers. If I had taken the time
to think it through, I would have realized of course, that they
aren't alone in their suffering, but honestly, I hadn't taken
this time.

So many who suffer through Mother's Day are invisible. Other
than your close friends, you don't know who has had three
miscarriages, or hasn't spoken to her mother in years, or doesn't
hear from her grown son other than once a year, or who placed a
child for adoption years before. But then pain is often
invisible unless you're the one feeling it, isn't it?

So as you sit in church this Sunday or at a restaurant surrounded
by your family at your celebration lunch, look around you.

Really look at the people who are there and recognize that not
all are celebrating. Also notice who isn't there; who is holed
up at home watching a Law & Order marathon with a gallon of
Ben & Jerry's because it is simply too painful to

I feel for those, such as clergy, who have to navigate this
complex web of emotions, and I respect those that acknowledge the

By Dawn at Creating a Family.

If you are struggling with infertility and considering adoption,
please contact us at 908-444-0999,info@asi-adoption.comand check
us out online atwww.adoptionservicesinternational.

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