Preparing Your Adopted Child To Come Home With You

Preparing Children for Adoption

Obviously, how you prepare a child depends a lot on the child's
age. For newborn adoptions, all you can do is be as responsive as
possible to the baby's need once he's in your home.

You can do more to help prepare older kids being adopted either
domestically through foster care or from abroad. It is hard to
prepare a child for the total destruction of what they have
thought of as being permanent. The child's (and parent's)
temperament plays a huge role in how they handle this huge
change. Some kids will go with the flow regardless of the
presence or absence of preparation, and some will be thrown for a
complete loop. No matter what temperament, try to help prepare
your child.

In an ideal world, the social worker, foster parents, and
orphanage workers/caretakers would play an active role in
preparing the kids. While that may happen often here in the US,
it is still the exception in most foreign countries.

Preparing the Adopted Child Before you Bring them Home

Spend time with the child in person in his environment if
possible. (This is one of the great things about adopting in
Ulraine. You will have time to spend with your child in their
enviroment which allows a smoother transition.) This will likely
be required if you are adopting an older child in the US. Even if
you are adopting internationally, if you can afford the extra
trip and if it is allowed in the country from which you are
adopting, go ahead of time to meet and hang out with your child
in his environment.Make Skype video calls if possibleIntroduce
family membersIntroduce petsTake tour of the house by carrying
the computer from room to room.If your child is being adopted
from another country, if possible, hire an English tutor to start
giving her language lessons.Parents should learn simple phrases
in child's language. For example;Are you hungry?I will take care
of you.Do you need to use the bathroom?Show me.Watch me.I love
you.Time to go to bed.Stop, please.Ask child to send pictures she
has drawn and put them on the refrigerator for them to see when
they get home.Send letters regularly to the child.Send a note to
the child's foster parent or caretaker letting her know something
about you, and how excited you are to meet the child and have her
become a part of your family. Thank the caretaker for all they
are doing for your child. Consider asking the following:Begin to
call you mom and dadIf you are changing the name, maybe hyphenate
the old name with the new name. Make sure you include how to
pronounce the new name.Send care packages, which can
include:Laminated pictures for the child to carry around (family,
child's room, pantry/refrigerator, pets)Photo book - translate
ahead of timeVideo of family and home, if orphanage or foster
family has ability to playBlanket-wash it and let mom or primary
caregiver sleep with it so that it picks up her scent.Stuffed
animalDrawing from siblingsPreparing the Child When you Meet
Her:Make minimal changes at first.Take baby steps-move at child's
pace-let the child lead.Don't change food immediately, although
may want to start introducing American food slowly if adopting
from abroad and if the child is willing.Let them wear their old
clothes if they want to.Bring a small gift, but don't shower them
with toys.If your child is old enough, give them an inexpensive
camera to take pictures of what and who is important to them.Let
child say good bye properly to their old life.Assume the child
has not received your care package. Bring the same things you put
in it.When you gain custody of the child, establish a bed time
routine. Start by following the routine the child has had, if you
know it. Decide if it's in everyone's best interest to start
introducing a new routine.Bring photos/videos from home.Have an
entrustment/transfer ceremony with those who have been important
in your child's life.

Adapted from Creating a Family blog

If you are considering adoption, please contact us
at908-444-0999,info@asi-adoption.com or check us out online at
www.adoptionservicesinternational.

Integrating An Adoptive Child's Culture Into Your Family

Whether your child hails from Rhode Island or Russia, or is of
Asian or African-American or Latin-American descent, odds are,
his heritage is different from yours. You know that your child
needs to understand where he comes from to build a strong sense
of self, but it's often hard to figure out exactly how to do this
-- and how to walk that line between "too much" and "not enough."
While culture camps and heritage tours can help kids feel proud
of their history, these activities are the proverbial icing on
the cake; your child will build pride in his heritage based on
his family's everyday attitude toward it. How do you mix your
child's background into your family's life? Here's how to get
started:

Make connections with other adoptees.Whether through a culture
camp, a playgroup, or a dance class, it helps to bring your child
together with other kids who share his life experiences. "It
doesn't matter what the activity is -- they could be knitting
together," says Deborah Johnson, a social worker and director of
Kindred Journeys International, a heritage tour company, and a
Korean adoptee. "It helps them to see kids who have the same
questions they do, and whose families look like theirs." For many
children adopted transracially or transculturally, finding a
place to "fit in" is hard, but regular meetings with others like
them will help. [Find a listing of camps, tours, and other
heritage events at adoptivefamilies.com/calendar.]

Make cultural activities a normal part of life.Cultural
activities shouldn't be reserved for holidays or special events.
"It may feel forced at first, but you need to make culture a part
of the fabric of your daily life," says Johnson. There are many
ways to do this -- put ethnic dishes on your weekly menu, display
artwork or crafts that you purchased or photos you took on your
adoption trip, watch movies and TV shows that include characters
who share your child's background, or have your child play with
dolls and toys that reflect her heritage.

Most children go through a phase when they want to deny their
heritage -- they want no reminders that they're "different."
Often, this phase comes during the late elementary-school years,
when teasing and cliques begin, and "being like everyone else" is
the key to popularity. Continue to make your child's heritage an
active aspect of her life by saying it is a "family" thing --
"Our family always goes to culture camp," or "Our family always
eats at Ethiopian restaurants on special occasions." But don't
force it. "I think you have to be in tune with your kid on the
too-much or not-enough issue," says Pam Sweetser, director of
Colorado Heritage Camps. "My daughter doesn't want to go to
Korea, but she likes her Korean friends from the camp. If I had
forced her to do more, she would have rebelled against her
culture."

Explore the current culture."Many families focus on dressing up
and eating traditional foods," Johnson says. "Don't fall into the
trap of just talking about what life was like there -- talk about
what's going on in the culture now, or the American version of
the culture." Find ways to connect the culture to your kid's
personal passions. "Take what your child is interested in --
music, movies, fashion, food -- and use that to introduce the
culture," Johnson says. "If he loves movies, show him Bollywood
movies, or take him to an African-American film festival. Take an
artistic kid to a gallery that's exhibiting a contemporary artist
who shares her heritage." And remember: Your child won't be
living in Africa or Asia, so he needs to understand what it means
to be African-American or Asian-American.

Blend a family culture.While cultural education is valuable,
sometimes parents can be too passionate about connecting their
child to his or her heritage. If your child's schedule is filled
with cultural activities and classes, you may need to add a
little variety to the mix. "Some people go too far, and it starts
to displace everything else," Johnson says. "It's important, but
you need to customize it to your child's needs and interests."

Along with teaching your child about his own background, you
should celebrate the customs from his birth culture alongside the
traditions you cherish from your own heritage. "Just as we have
integrated African-American culture into our lives, we have also
expected our children to embrace the parts of our cultures that
we hold dear," says domestic adoptive mom Gaby Johnson, who
writes the "Familia Means Family" blog on
adoptivefamiliescircle.com. "For example, my children speak both
English and Spanish, because their mother is Hispanic, and they
attend a mostly white church, because their father is the
pastor." By teaching children to respect and value different
cultures in the world, you can help your children -- and
yourselves -- to become more compassionate world citizens.

Lisa Milbrand

If you are considering adoption, please contact us at
908-444-0999,info@asi-adoption.com or check us out online
atwww.adoptionservicesinternational.

Mother’s Day is Not Always a Day of Celebration

A couple of years ago, about this time of year, I was talking
with a pastor friend of mine. I mentioned how hard Mother's Day
is for women who are struggling with infertility and for birth
mothers who have placed a child for adoption. I suppose I
thought I might be helping to educate her on the complexities of
this day of celebrating motherhood. She sighed and surprised me
by saying that Mother's Day is a nightmare for the church, and
that she was always thankful when it was over. It's not just the
infertile who find this day painful, but also anyone who has lost
a child or is estranged from a child. Women whose children are
struggling with addiction or are in jail often find Mother's Day
sad too since some feel like failures as a mother. Single women
who want to be a mom and feel time passing them by feel their
loss more intensely on this day set aside to celebrate the joys
of motherhood. And then there is the view from the other side of
the mother/child relationship: women who have lost their mothers
or are estranged from their mothers may dread this day that
reminds them of their loss. Wow! I felt humbled.

I thought of how myopic I've been. As a daughter, I liked having
a day to honor my mother. As a mom, I liked having a day where
my kids and husband honor me. As someone immersed in the world
of infertility and adoption, I was aware of how Mother's Day
affects the infertile and birthmothers. If I had taken the time
to think it through, I would have realized of course, that they
aren't alone in their suffering, but honestly, I hadn't taken
this time.

So many who suffer through Mother's Day are invisible. Other
than your close friends, you don't know who has had three
miscarriages, or hasn't spoken to her mother in years, or doesn't
hear from her grown son other than once a year, or who placed a
child for adoption years before. But then pain is often
invisible unless you're the one feeling it, isn't it?

So as you sit in church this Sunday or at a restaurant surrounded
by your family at your celebration lunch, look around you.

Really look at the people who are there and recognize that not
all are celebrating. Also notice who isn't there; who is holed
up at home watching a Law & Order marathon with a gallon of
Ben & Jerry's because it is simply too painful to
participate.

I feel for those, such as clergy, who have to navigate this
complex web of emotions, and I respect those that acknowledge the
difficulty.

By Dawn at Creating a Family.

If you are struggling with infertility and considering adoption,
please contact us at 908-444-0999,info@asi-adoption.comand check
us out online atwww.adoptionservicesinternational.

Happy Mother's Day! Biological and Adoptive Mothers - A Poem For You

Once there were two women who never knew each other.One you do
not remember, the other you call Mother.

Two different lives shaped to make you one.One became your
guiding star, the other became your sun.

The first one gave you life, and the second taught you to live
it.The first gave you a need for love. The second was there to
give it.

One gave you a nationality. The other gave you a name.One gave
you a talent. The other gave you aim.

One gave you emotions. The other calmed your fears.One saw your
first sweet smile. The other dried your tears.

One sought for you a home that she could not provide.The other
prayed for a child and her hope was not denied.

And now you ask me, through your tears,the age-old question
unanswered through the years.Heredity or environment, which are
you a product of?Neither, my darling. Neither. Just two different
kinds of Love.Author Unknown

Looking to adopt and become a special mother of a special child?
Contact us atwww.adoptionservicesinternational.com, 908-444-0999
orinfo@asi-adoption.com.

Your dreams of motherhood can come true in months not years!

Families Race to Adopt Before U.S. Tax Credit Ends December 31, 2012

Julie and Brett Redden are in a hurry for the paperwork to go
through for the 6-year-old girl they are planning to adopt.

It's not just that they are impatient to start their lives with
her as she joins an 11-year-old sister adopted from China two
months ago. The Reddens are also playing a game of "beat the
clock" so they can take advantage of a generous federal adoption
tax credit.

They have already missed out on the refundable 2011 credit, which
allowed tax savings of as much as $13,360 per child. In 2012, the
credit is $12,650 and not refundable -- meaning if their total
tax bill is less than the amount of the credit, they will not get
additional money back from the Internal Revenue Service.

But the Redden's real worry is that the adoption will not be
completed by year's end. And unless Congress acts, that credit
will expire on December 31, 2012.

"We are not rich. We are very middle-income, and we have scraped
and saved and done everything humanly possible to bring these
girls home," said Julie Redden, a 31-year-old teacher in Houston.

Redden said she expects adoption costs for both girls to top
$50,000, and there will be ongoing medical expenses because both
have special needs -- the older child is legally blind, while the
younger one has cerebral palsy.

"The tax credit will be enormously helpful to pay for medical
bills," Julie says.

SHIFTING RULES

The rules shift regularly on the adoption tax credit, making
planning difficult, especially when combined with the
uncertainties of adoption itself, which can typically cost
$25,000 or more and take months to years to complete.

"The adoption tax credit has never been a permanent part of the
tax code, so every year, or few years, you have to deal with
what's going to happen it," Chuck Johnson, president of the
National Council for Adoption, said.

This year, the credit is not refundable but families that cannot
use the entire credit in 2012 can carry the unused credit forward
for up to five years, using it to offset their income taxes
through 2017.

Next year, without an extension, all that will remain of the
adoption tax credit will be a much smaller $6,000 credit for
domestic adoption for children classified as having "special
needs," a determination made at the state level.

If that sounds confusing -- it is.

Last week, in an early legislative effort to deal with the
adoption credit's changeability, Rep. Bruce Braley, an Iowa
Democrat, introduced a bill that would make a $13,360 refundable
adoption tax credit permanent.

Mark McDermott, a Washington, D.C., adoption attorney who serves
as legislative director of the American Academy of Adoption
Attorneys, believes there will be a credit in 2013, but that it
will be enacted as part of a larger tax andfinancebill.

"I don't think any stand-alone bill will pass," McDermott said.
"That's the way things happen on the Hill."

CONFUSING RULES

Not surprisingly, there has been confusion over the rules and
processing delays.

"It's quite a rich benefit," said Kathy Pickering, executive
director of the Tax Institute at H&R Block. "We've had a
number of conversations with the folks at the IRS because there
is still a lot of confusion around the rules. Some people have
not been claiming that credit, or not been claiming the full
benefit."

To claim the credit, file Form 8839 along with supporting
documentation. The paperwork varies, depending on whether you are
adopting domestically or internationally and whether you are
adopting a special-needs child. Parents who should have qualified
for a 2011 credit but missed it can file an amended return to
maximize their savings.

For a regular adoption, whether domestic or foreign, you can
claim the credit up to the amount of your expenses (including
adoption fees, attorneys fees, court costs, travel expenses,
etc). While for a U.S. special-needs child you may qualify for
the full amount of the credit even if you paid few or no
adoption-related expenses.

In 2010, nearly 100,000 taxpayers claimed the credit for a total
$1.2 billion.

Expect the IRS to take its time examining your return. Roughly 68
percent of those who claimed the credit in 2010 were subject to
what the IRS calls a "correspondence audit," a request for more
information, according to a U.S. Government Accountability Office
(GAO) study. Only 17 percent of them were assessed additional
tax, and in no cases were the adoption credits claimed
fraudulently.

"IRS used a disproportionate share of its audit resources on the
adoption credit," the GAO report said.

When Kelly and Jeff Elliott claimed the tax credit for adopting
their now 2-year-old daughter Kaylee from Ethiopia in 2010, the
process dragged out for months.

"They wanted to see piece of paperwork after piece of paperwork.
It got kind of ridiculous," Kelly recalled, noting that they did
ultimately receive a check for the full credit.

The Elliotts, who live in Klamath Falls, Oregon, are in the
process of adopting three Ethiopian siblings. Kelly said that
with all the costs of adoption, they hope to get the full credit
again.

With a big family and a middle-class income -- Jeff is a
munitions supervisor at the nearby Air Force training base, while
Kelly works a few hours a week as a Head Start consultant -- they
would like to buy a car that would fit their whole family.

"The credit would be a godsend this year," Kelly said.

NEW YORK(Reuters) -(The writer is a Reuters columnist. Opinions
expressed are her own.)

(Amy Feldman; Editing byChelsea Emery,Linda Sternand Maureen
Bavdek)

Our Personal Adoption Experience in Ukraine

My husband and I adopted our son Alex from Ukraine. For me it was
a process full of specific requirements and documentation and it
was fairly painless. I speak Russian fluently and have lived and
worked in Ukraine for over 20 years. When I was going through
this process, I connected with as many online groups of other
adoptive parents as possible and was amazed at the struggles,
complications, delays, and significant unexpected expenses other
families incurred throughout the adoption process.

While at the orphanage and government organizations, I met
families from all over the United States adopting and so many
shared stories of the extensive challenges they have overcome to
complete the adoption process. I saw an immediate need for an
honest, professional, western firm to make the process of
adopting in Ukraine as painless as possible.

We are thrilled to have adopted such a beautiful, joyful boy and
want to bring this opportunity to welcome a child into a loving
family to others. My goal is for others to realize this dream and
do so in a predictable, affordable and ethical way.

If you or someone you love to adopt a child as my husband and I
did, I can help.

Adoption Services International

908-444-0999,

info@asi-adoption.com

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com.

Adoption Credit Scheduled to Expire at the End of 2012 - Stay Tuned

Adoption Credit Scheduled to Expire at the End of 2012 - Stay
Tuned

More in depth article on the way!