Friday, May 31, 2013

Event: Ukrainian Adoption Information Session and Ukrainian Adoptive Families Networking in New Jersey - Jun 2 @ 2:00pm

Ukrainian Adoption Information Session
and Ukrainian Adoptive Families Networking in New Jersey

If you have ever considered adoption, this is a wonderful
opportunity to learn more about the Ukrainian adoption program
and meet local NJ families that
have adopted and are in the process of adopting from Ukraine.

With over thousands Caucasian children available for
international adoption, Ukraine is a sizable source of adopted
children in the US, yet many parents considering adoption have
never heard about this European adoption program. There are many
unique characteristics of Ukrainian adoption that are very
different from most international and domestic adoptions.
Ukrainian adoptions generally take less than a year, adoptive
parents choose their child or children based on medical history,
there is no age limit for older parents and it is affordable in
comparison to other programs. Children are generally available
from age 5 and older.

Come learn more about this adoption opportunity at this casual
information session. Susan Kibler, adoptive Mom and Ukrainian
Adoption Specialist will provide information about Adoption
Services International's Ukrainian adoption consulting services,
as well as the unique challenges and opportunities that
international adoption provides for both children and their
adoptive parents.

Adoptive parents will have the opportunity to discuss their
personal experiences, and there will be plenty of time for
questions and answers, mingling and a chance to meet the
children.

Bilingual babysitting and light refreshments will be provided.
Bring the whole family! Registration is required.

Details:

Join Us: Sunday, June 2, 2013 from 2:00 - 4:00pm

Location: United Methodist Church, 116 East Washington Ave.
Washington, NJ 07882

To find out more visit us at: "https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption" target=
"_blank">https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption

Space is limited. Please resister in advance:
info@asi-adoption.com or 908-444-0999

Friday, May 10, 2013

Ukraine's Foreign Minister Meets Ukrainian Adopted Children And Their Families In NYC

Last week, in his first visit to the United States as Ukraine's
Minister of Foreign Affairs, Minister Kozhara took the time to
meet with parents who have adopted from Ukraine and their
children.

He expressed a warmth and gratitude towards the parents for
offering these children "a better life".

He stated that it would be ideal for all children to be adopted
within the country, but that that is not realistic.

The Minister started his career at the newly independent
Ukrainian Embassy in Washington, DC and holds a warm place in his
heart for America.

His wish is that Ukrainian adopted children grow up proud of both
the United States and their original motherland, Ukraine.

He mentioned how important it was for parents to file their
obligatory reports on their adopted children.

There was a lot of press at the event and both the press and
other Ukrainian officials expressed that the fact that the
minister made this meeting a priority (after all he met with
Secretary of State Kerry and was slightly late to this meeting
because he was with the General Secretary of the UN) shows how
positive he is toward international adoption in Ukraine.

Ukraine's Foreign Minister Leonid Kozhara met with adopted
Ukrainian children and their American families in the Consulate
General of Ukraine in New York

Today, 01:55

On May 7^th, 2013, Minister for Foreign Affairs of
Ukraine Leonid Kozhara met with adopted Ukrainian children and
their American families in New York.

The meeting was held at the Consulate General of Ukraine in New
York.

During the meeting the Minister informed of Ukraine's policy in
the sphere of inter-country adoption, stressed on the importance
of ensuring the children's rights, as well as timeliness of
submitting post-placement reports on wellbeing of adopted
Ukrainian children.

The meeting was held in a warm, friendly atmosphere. The families
shared their happy stories of adoption of Ukrainian children.

At the end of the meeting, the children launched balloons of
Ukrainian flag's colors into the sky and got Ukrainian souvenirs
on behalf of the Minister for Foreign Affairs of Ukraine.

In the photo: Ukraine's Foreign Minister Leonid Kozhara meets
with adopted Ukrainian children and their American families

Why We Need To Attach: Suggestions To Help Your Ukrainian Adopted Child Attach

I like this article because it not only explains the background
and causes, but how to be successful in bonding with your adopted
child, from as soon as you meet them and forever.

Article Title

Why We Need to Attach

Sara-Jane Hardman and Jean Mauro LCSW

We hear so much today about the words "attachment", "attachment
disorder" or, even more frightening, "Reactive Attachment
Disorder," "RAD." Yet we rarely see a clear explanation of what
this is or what consequences it has on an individual's life.
Attachment grows from a secure relationship with a primary
caregiver, usually the mother, and is necessary for normal social
and emotional development.

First described by the noted British psychoanalyst John Bowlby in
the mid- twentieth century, attachment has come to be understood
as the connection that enables an individual to feel secure,
trust others, develop friendships and find intimacy. Without
trust, he will be afraid to take life's necessary risks, but he
will not avoid unnecessary risks, and he will not feel safe.
Attachment is extremely important. As parents we need to
understand the primacy of attachment so that we can maximize our
child's attachment to us and then to himself and finally the
world.

Where does attachment begin? In the womb. Studies have shown that
embryos are already bonding when they feel movement, hear voices
and other sounds, and have their senses stimulated through smell
and taste. Optimally the womb is a good safe first home for a
baby about to be born. When a child is born to a mother who is
stressed, his first environment is an inhospitable one and he
cannot develop optimally. If, after birth, he is removed from
that familiar figure the event is traumatic for him, and he
suffers all of the consequences of a traumatic event. As
unfamiliar as it sounds, even a very young child such as an
infant who is separated from his mother, will suffers a loss
which he feels in his sub-conscious mind.

At any time during childhood separation from the mother figure is
very difficult. Babies who develop in a distressed womb and then
are separated from their mothers will find it difficult to
overcome these stresses on their own, and they may show some
symptoms of posttraumatic stress disorder at birth. For them life
is already troubled and they need to secure their equilibrium.
Unable to progress smoothly through the stages of development
unaided, they will need a blueprint for help through the trouble
spots and an intimate understanding of the problem by their
parents and other involved adults. If we imagine attachment as a
continuum we can see that these children may place anywhere along
the continuum from mildly affected to severely affected. At the
far end of the continuum is Reactive Attachment Disorder.
Depending on how far they are along this line, the road to
healthy maturity becomes increasingly more arduous. Once the baby
is born, he will need to move through the stages of development
with some success. To do this, he must first learn to become
attached to and bonded with a trustworthy mother figure. He will
learn from that mother and her attentive behavior to trust that
his needs will be taken care of. Eventually, he will trust that
when she leaves him, she will return, and when he begins
exploring, he can trust that she will be there when he
returns.

We can all understand the significance of trust. It is the basis
of every relationship throughout our lives. It is from our
ability to trust first our mothers and what they say and then
ourselves that a conscience is born, ethics are developed and a
sense of personal identity, an "I am" is achieved. "I am!" "I am
smart." "I am capable." 'I am honest." "I am proud." This is the
child who can control his urges in order to attain his goals. And
if he knows who he is and is satisfied with himself he can go on
to care for other people's feelings and learn how to take care of
others. He will learn how to do a job well, how to have a sense
of competence. He will naturally evolve, in Erik Erikson's terms,
"a sense of industry." This sense of industry, he asserts, is
what develops a lasting basis for cooperative participation in
productive adult life. When trust is not attained and
developmental goals are not being reached or are interrupted,
there is a sense of identity confusion, and an inability to feel
any confidence about who one is and how one fits into the world.
A crucial aspect of learning how to develop identity, Erikson
believes, is settling on an occupation with the accompanying
feeling, "This is what I do well, and this is what I have to
offer the world." The inability to settle on an occupational
identity is perhaps the most difficult obstacle to maturity for
many young people. One of the final achievements in development
is the ability for true intimacy with another, which can only
come when one is sure of a stable personal identity.

This attainment of intimacy is a feeling of being open to and
bonded to another while maintaining a sense of separate self.
There are various ways to achieve this goal, but all require long
term opportunity for exposure to a lifestyle that promotes the
ability to internalize a stable self. Such an opportunity eases
the transition into young adulthood. It is our role as adoptive
parents to help our children through this journey toward ultimate
maturity and a fulfilled life. Below are some suggestions to help
your child attach:

• Be attuned to your child's natural schedule for sleep,
feeding and play. There have already been many unpreventable
frustrations that this child has encountered, and there will
continue to be others. These are children who may not trust that
their needs will be met so they have a harder time dealing with
disappointments and delays. By focusing on the baby's needs and
wants rather than on the maintenance of an imposed schedule,
additional frustrations may be minimized. Therefore, parental
responses must be immediate and appropriate.

• Be attuned to your child's emotions. The child may be
grieving over the loss of an earlier caregiver. Allow him time to
mourn and be there to help him deal with the loss. It is
important at this time that his emotions be soothed. He should be
held, cradled and sung to but not denied opportunities to feel
his sadness.

• Maximize the time spent with your child. This is not a
child who should be left often with babysitters or other
surrogates. He needs consistent care from the primary caregiver
who must also do all of the feeding, bathing, changing and other
activities that facilitate bonding.

• Be consistent with attitude and performance. A child should
be able to trust that routines and responses will be consistent.
Feeding, napping, bedtime should be on a regular schedule and
emotional responses should also be predictable.

• Provide the model for a range of facial expressions such as
smiling and frowning and all of the expressions in between.
Maintain eye contact when tending your child so that he will
mimic your behaviors and maintain a feeling of being
connected.

• Maintain close physical contact so that your child feels as
if he is almost an extension of you. Hold the child whenever you
can, rock him, cuddle him and encourage him to touch your face
and hair. If you can't always hold him, keep him in the same
room. This will encourage a sense of security and comfort,
especially if he was not held enough before he joined your
family. Keep him on a bottle longer than is usual and use the
opportunity to hold him even more. Bathe with him. Such
activities as hand feeding while holding the child, rather than
propping a bottle, rocking, hugging, tickling, singing, massaging
and engaging in playful behavior while maintaining eye and
physical contact are essential. As he gets older and is toddling
and walking around, allow him to be your shadow to maintain that
closeness.

• Closely monitor your child's performance by staying with
him or encouraging him to check in frequently with you. As he
grows older, it is important to carefully supervise his chores
and homework. He needs you to see that work is done and done to
some previously established standard. Providing opportunities for
success will help build feelings of mastery and accomplishment.
Limit opportunities for your child to make poor decisions which
affect his sense of security and self-worth and thus jeopardize
the attachment. A child who feels good about himself feels
connected to others.

• Structure your child's time during the day so that there
are many opportunities to engage in meaningful activities and
idle time is minimized.

• Demonstrate affection regardless of your child's responses
to that affection. He needs to be held and kissed and stroked
even if he rejects these demonstrations of love.

• Nurture a happy and loving nature through shared play and
modeling playful behavior. Happy surprises, mystery activities,
silly moments are wonderful for developing this attitude. Toys
and objects that encourage attachments should be readily
available.

• Be aware of your child's need to behave as if at a younger
age and allow him time to be there. If he wants to talk "baby
talk" or crawl when he can walk, allow him opportunities to
regress. Conversely, allow opportunities for him to play out more
mature roles.

• Articulate your child's conscience until his sense of
morality is strongly developed. Simple conversations about the
relationship between cause and effect and the consequences of
alternative actions are important for these children.

• Avoid control battles. State what has to be done or what is
expected. Don't be diverted. If discipline is necessary, follow
up with a time for affection and reassurance to avoid leaving the
child with feelings of shame and worthlessness which will weaken
the attachment. Do not isolate your child with "time outs" alone
in his room. This will only increase his feelings of
separateness. Have him do his thinking time near you so that he
will feel safe and the bond will be reinforced even in difficult
times.

In spite of all these activities aimed at developing attachment
and eventually intimacy, it is critical to be aware that
occasionally the child must withdraw and have space in order to
stay balanced. While developing attachment, it will be necessary
for the major caretakers to keep in mind the ultimate goal and be
willing to go at the child's pace in order not to overwhelm him.
It will be a matter of inching him toward attachment rather than
insisting on it.

ADOPTION SERVICES INTERNATIONAL

If you or someone you love would like to expand your family,
provide a permanent home for a needy orphaned child, welcome a
sibling for an existing child or discover an alternative for
infertility treatments - contact us to learn more about Ukrainian
adoption, Adoption Services International can help.

Adoption Services International has extensive experience helping
adoptive parents make the process as smooth as possible, from the
very beginning of your decision to adopt, through bringing your
adopted child home to the US. Adoption Services International
unites loving US families with Ukrainian children. We provide a
unique professional, individualized, quality (including a maximum
guaranteed adoption fee), personal adoption experience, at
affordable cost and 20 years Ukrainian experience.

"http://www.adoptionservicesinternational.com/">www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

"mailto:info@asi-adoption.com">info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

"https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption">https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption

Upcoming Events:

Free Presentation and Get Together: Experiences and Information
on Ukrainian Adoption

Come learn more about this adoption opportunity at this casual
information session.

Adoptive parents will have the opportunity to discuss their
personal experiences, and there will be plenty of time for
questions and answers, mingling and a chance to meet the
children.

Bilingual babysitting and light refreshments will be provided.
Bring the whole family!

Registration is required.

Details:

Join Us: Sunday, June 2, 2013 from 2:00 - 4:00pm

Location: United Methodist Church, 116 East Washington Ave.
Washington, NJ 07882

To find out more visit us at: "http://www.adoptionservicesinternational.com">www.adoptionservicesinternational.com
or "https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption">https://www.facebook.com/ASI.Adoption

Space is limited. Please resister in advance:
"mailto:info@asi-adoption.com">info@asi-adoption.com
or 908-444-0999

Portrait of An Adoption: A Mother's Perspective

This article does an amazing job addressing the many forms of
loss and how it can effect so many close to the adoption in
unexpected ways. This article goes beyond the expected and
addresses topics of how adoption effects your extended family and
other unexpected feelings regarding adoption.

Lessons Learned from An Imaginary Redhead

By Elisabeth O'Toole

Originally published on "http://www.chicagonow.com/portrait-of-an-adoption">Portrait of
an Adoption

Not long after I married my husband (a tall redhead), my mom and
I (both short and brunette) developed a plan. I was going to
finally fulfill some long-held desires she'd had for her family -
desires my siblings and I had not successfully satisfied. In the
anticipated daughter I would soon be having (yes, it would be a
girl), my mother was finally going to get not only a redheaded
baby in the family, but, later, a long, lean and very talented
basketball player.

I know this sounds like pressure, so I should admit that I had no
problem with this assumption. In fact, I'm sure I perpetuated it
far more than my mother did. After all, I was fully confident in
my ability to produce this child; the child I imagined for us
both.

That is not how things worked out.

As readers of Portrait of an Adoption well know, loss is a
fundamental and complicated aspect of any adoption. In order for
there to be gain - of a family, of a child - there must first be
loss. Birthmothers and birth relatives experience an often great
and abiding loss. The adopted child experiences loss - no matter
at what age he is adopted or under what conditions he was
adopted. Communities, foster parents, other children who may
remain, and caregivers may experience loss as a result of
adoption.

As an adoptive parent, I struggled with the loss of privacy, the
loss of control over this aspect of my life -becoming a parent-
and the loss of my imagined child - that redheaded
basketball player I had expected.

Like most adoptive parents, I was counseled to try to understand
the role that loss plays in adoption, and how it may be
experienced by others, birthparents and adoptees, especially.

And I was advised to acknowledge and grieve loss as an important
step toward adoptive parenthood.

I've come to believe that it's also important that we try to
consider how others, outside of the immediate adoption
triad might also experience loss related to adoption. This is
especially common for our closest relatives. Like adoptive
parents, it's not at all uncommon that others have also imagined
and anticipated a particular child or experience, both for us and
for themselves. When that expectation is unmet, other people may
experience aspects of that same loss that many of us triad
members do.

A grandfather described for me how his son's adoption plans meant
the end of his family's genealogical line. And the grandfather's
early resistance to the adoption - painful and frustrating for
his son - stemmed from that loss. He needed time to let go of a
lifelong (and reasonable) expectation. And he needed to mourn
that real and legitimate loss before he could welcome the
adoption.

A grandmother described for me her reaction to her daughter's
announcement that she was adopting. The grandmother couldn't
understand her own lack of enthusiasm, even sadness. After all,
she told herself, she just wanted her daughter to be happy. And
she'd always wanted to be a grandparent. She finally realized
part of what was holding her back was her reluctance to let go of
a dream she'd had, an experience she had long looked forward to.

For years, she'd pictured being with her daughter in a delivery
room, present at the very moment of birth of her first
grandchild. It was something she and her daughter had anticipated
together. That she would not have this experience was a loss
related to adoption that both of them had to acknowledge - and
grieve.

Neither of these grandparents, nor their adult children,
initially identified the grandparents' ambivalence toward
adoption as related to loss. Instead, their loved ones viewed
them as unsupportive and negative about adoption. But
acknowledging loss and then grieving it were steps these
grandparents needed to take. Just as the adoptive parents had.

In my own life as an adoptive parent, I didn't consider the
losses others might have experienced around my family's adoptions
until years after first adopting. I had begun talking to
adoptive grandparents and relatives from other families as
research for a book I was writing. And so it was, years after my
first adoption, I found myself reconsidering my own relatives'
reactions to adoption with new eyes. I finally came to recognize
that the people around me had lost that redheaded basketball
player, too. And I suddenly understood why one family member in
particular had reacted to our adoption plans as she had.

At the time, feeling vulnerable and still trying to understand
adoption myself, I couldn't understand or, frankly, have much
compassion for what seemed to be her knee-jerk resistance to
adoption. I thought this close relative was narrow-minded,
overly concerned with appearances and tradition. But after
making an effort to consider what this experience had been like
for someone who, like me, had long anticipated a particular child
and experience, I felt compassion for what I now understood was
another person's response to her own loss. I wish I'd had that
insight - and that vocabulary - at the time.

Though understanding loss is a standard discussion topic in
adoption education, we don't typically offer others - who are
also impacted by adoption - that language of loss. I think we
should.

Thinking about loss in this way reinforces for me how adoption is
not just about "us": my husband and I and our children. Rather,
it's about a larger "Us": our parents, our siblings, our close
friends and extended families. And as our family ages and our
circle expands, adoption includes our kids' friends, their
teachers, their caregivers, and the many other people who
comprise our family's adoption circle.

I've come to believe that one of the responsibilities we adoptive
parents take on when we adopt is to include others in adoption,
to bring them in on it. One way we can bring people in
is by acknowledging their own perspectives and experiences with
adoption, perhaps including loss. Other people - besides
adoptive parents - deserve the chance to ask questions and to
share their concerns and fears about adoption. Other people
need and deserve information and preparation for adoption.
Because other people are going to love and want to advocate for
our children and for adoption, too.