Russia Signs Adoption Agreement With US: Another Reason To Consider Adopting in Ukraine

Even with the new treaty, Ukraine is a safe and affordable
alternative to Russia for adoption. The relationship between
Russia and the US over adoption has been extremely strained.
Adoptions were put on hold for several years and new regulations
make adoptions more and more expensive in Russia. $66,204 was
reported as the average cost for 2011 from Adoptive Families
poll). This is much more than the average of just over $42,000.
Working with Adoption Services International, on an independent
Ukrainian adoption, your expenses would be just $20,000 for
adoption expenses plus your travel costs. Check out all the
advantages to adopting in Ukraine on our website FAQ
page.www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

Article by: The Voice of Russia's Ilya Kharlamov

From now on the adoption of children from Russia will be carried
out in compliance with stringent legal requirements and with due
regard to the interests of each child involved.

Russia's President Vladimir Putin has signed a law on the
ratification of agreements with the United States and France,
which should ensure control over the fate of Russian children who
are brought up in foreign families and to prevent cruel treatment
of children.

These documents, especially an agreement with the US, are
Moscow's initiative: such was its answer to a series of tragic
events involving adopted Russian children. The case of a
seven-year-old boy, Artyom Tarasov, who was put on a plane
heading for Moscow from Washington on April 8, 2010 by his
adoptive mother Torry-Ann Hansen, became the straw that broke the
camel's back. Unfortunately his story is not the most
heartwrenching. Another Russian boy, Vanya Skorobogatov, adopted
by the Cravers from the US, died after having been beaten in
2009. Although the judges acknowledged that the adoptive parents
were guilty, they released them in the courtroom because the year
and a half they had spent in prison waiting for the verdict was
counted into the sentence. An equally soft verdict was given in
the case of Theresa McNulty who abused her adopted Russian
daughter and was sentenced to only 2 years in prison.

And one more thing here. The lawyers of the Craver spouses made
an attempt to prove that the boy was insane, which became the
reason for his death, and Torry-Ann Hansen filed a lawsuit
against the Russian Ombudsman for Children's Rights, Pavel
Astakhov, because he called her a "foster mother". Moscow has
emphasized more than once many instances where US courts have
issued extremely light sentences to US adoptive parents, to the
detriment of the Russian children involved. Ombudsman for
Children's Rights in Moscow Yevgeny Bunimovich says:

"These are very important documents. As you know, the US has not
ratified the Convention on the Rights of the Child. Therefore it
is not clear what documents were used to regulate the adoption
process earlier."

The agreements with the US and France have been worked out with
due regard to the Russian legislation and taking into account
positive experience with Italy in this field. They say that all
candidates should undergo special training and give information
about their social status and psychological condition,
Vice-President of the Moscow-based Foundation for the Prevention
of Cruelty to Children Alexander Spivak said:

"In view of the above-mentioned, the ratification of the
agreements on the adoption of Russian children could only be
welcomed because the legislation standards regulating such issues
in Russia and the US are different. The new agreement will create
common ground in relations between the two countries in the field
of adoption. And one more thing here. Such agreements are helpful
in resolving conflict situations. This is a great step forward."

And still, Russia's Foreign Ministry has doubts about the
responsibility of the US regarding the adoption process. The
point is that there are hundreds of Russian children in the US
now who were adopted by US citizens, and the fate of many of them
remains unknown. Another incident involving a Russian boy, Daniil
Kruchinin, occurred in the US a week ago. The boy who ran away
from his adoptive parents was later discovered by the local
police. The policemen discovered traces of abuse on his body. A
lawsuit has been brought against his adoptive parents in the US
but there is no guarantee that they will be punishable by law.

There is no doubt that a legal basis enabling Russia to control
the fate of adopted children is a dire necessity. It should make
the adoption process more civilized and the life of adopted
children safer. Russia plans to achieve this, acting within the
framework of the Hague Convention on Parental Responsibility
which it joined this May.

Photo is by: © Flickr.com/Robert Crum/cc-by-nc

If you or someone you love want to welcome a child into their
lives and families, as my husband and I did, we can help.

Call us to help compare the Ukrainian adoption program with other
international programs.

www.adoptionservicesinternational.cominfo@asi-adoption.com908-444-0999

Answering Awkward Questions About Our Ukrainian Adopted Children

Awkward/insensitive adoption questions give you an opportunity to
promote your child's adoption possitively!

A great article by Deborah McCurdy, MSW

When we adopt a child who looks different from us, we generally
feel we can handle the stares and loss of privacy that go with
the territory. We may find, however, that the frequent questions
and comments of strangers and relatives sometimes annoy and worry
us. At the heart of our anger and anxiety is the fear that our
adopted child will be hurt by thoughtless questions, or that
their older siblings, who look less exotic, will feel neglected,
but this need not happen.

It is reassuring to realize that even seemingly insensitive
questions are nearly always well intentioned, and that they
actually provide an excellent opportunity to express our delight
and pride in our adopted children (as well as in their siblings
who were born to us). The attention that our children receive is
generally very positive, even when the inquirer's choice of words
is not ideal.

Our answers to questions about a foreign-born child should also
include any bio-kids who are present:

Q: Where did you get this dear little one? Where is she from?A:
She was born in Ukraine, and her brother here was born in Albany.
(Most people will pick up on your inclusion of the older child
and start including him, too, if you furnish answers about both
to each question asked about the adopted child.)

Start early to practice answers that will affirm the children,
preparing for the day when they will be old enough to understand:

Q: Isn't she a lucky little girl? What wonderful people you
are!A: We're the lucky ones, to have such a wonderful child!

Q: And do you also have children of your own?A: Just these two.
(This affirms adopted kids as our own.)

Q: Are they real brother and sister?A: They are now! (This
clarifies that adoption makes us a real family.)

Q: Where did he get that beautiful tan?A: God gave it to him.

Q: How could the mother have given up such a lovely child?A: It
was very hard for the birth mother, but she just couldn't take
care of any baby. (This reassures the child that there was
nothing wrong with him or her.)

Q: What do you know about the real parents?A: Well, we're his
real parents, actually, since we're bringing him up.

Q: Oh, of course - I meant the natural parents.A: We don't know
very much about the birth parents. How have you been? How was
your summer?

In nearly all cases, the questions reflect pleasure and delight
in our families, and they can generally be answered very briefly
and cheerfully, with a smile. If you are out shopping it is
fairly easy to avoid prolonging the discussion by saying, "Bye,
now!" and moving from the peaches to the potatoes. If we are
trapped into a longer conversation in a supermarket line or in a
social situation (and the children are old enough to understand
what is said), we have several options:

1. Give a constructive response, and then change the subject.2.
Answer with, "I'm glad you're interested in adoption. Let me give
you my phone number and we can talk later. Can you call me
tonight?"3. Give an oblique answer, rather than a direct one, if
it seems a direct answer to a particular question would be
awkward for us, the questioner, or the children:

Q: How much does an adoption cost these days?A: It's about the
same as giving birth in a hospital, if you don't have maternity
coverage and allow for complications.

Q: Do you have any pictures of his parents?A: Oh yes, we've got
albums of our whole family.

Responses such as the above can gently educate others, especially
if said with a smile. But we are answering primarily for our
children's ears. In the few seconds that we have to prepare our
response, we need to make a quick decision as to what words will
best support our child's self-esteem, protect the child's privacy
about his origins, and/or clarify that adoption builds "real"
families with their "own" children. (The right answers come more
quickly with practice.) Until more people learn the modern
vocabulary of "birth parents" and "children by birth" we're bound
to be asked occasional seemingly insensitive questions about the
child's "real parents" and our "own" children. I believe that the
fault is really in our outdated language more than in the person
asking an awkward question. True, some people are not as
sensitive as they might be, but usually they have a genuine
interest and we would rather not embarrass them (and risk making
things worse). We can generally find a gracious answer which will
affirm the child without sounding critical of the person asking
the question.

The key to a successful response is one that we can say in a
friendly, matter-of-fact voice, without showing impatience or
anger. It is easier to avoid annoyance with questions and remarks
if we remember that (1) we have chosen to build a family in a way
that inevitably attracts attention but may help other children to
be adopted, and (2) the children needn't be hurt by others'
questions and remarks if we respond appropriately. An angry or
rude retort on our part (even when it seems justified) is much
more likely to cause our child distress and anxiety than anything
a stranger, friend, or relative might say. It could signal to the
child that there is something upsetting to us about him or his
adoption. In a pinch, humor can save the day:

Q: Are you babysitting?A: No time for that, now that I have these
two of my own!

Q: Whose little darlings are these?A: Ours! We adopted the big
boys from Korea, and the two-year-old is homemade. (Some of us
may find it helpful to volunteer all this information to
forestall a subsequent question about whether the child who
matches us is "our own.")

There are times when we may need to let a particular comment pass
and help our child to understand it later. Recently my husband
and I were entertaining one of his important clients, and our
Colombian-born son was present. The client remarked that she had
friends who had adopted two Korean children and later had had two
children "of their own." It seemed best not to risk offending the
woman by correcting her choice of words. The next day I asked our
son if he had been bothered by the remark, explaining it as a
problem in our language. He replied that he hadn't minded it at
all. I felt reassured that whatever damage might be done by
others is within my power to assess, and to repair if necessary.

This incident was also a reminder to me that our kids are often
more resilient than we imagine when it comes to weathering an
occasional unfortunate remark. In our early discussions with our
children about birth-parents, we can explain that "real parents"
are actually people who are bringing up children who are their
own by birth or adoption, and that many people are confused about
this. This point should ideally be made before kindergarten,
where other children may question our children about their "real
parents" when we're not there to explain that that's who we are!

If we are upset by the frequency of well-intentioned friendly
remarks, we can ask ourselves why this is so. Are we naturally
rather private people who feel we weren't sufficiently warned by
our agency or friends that a loss of anonymity is almost
inevitable when our child is of a different race? Are we simply
tired of explaining to new people, feeling that somehow they
should know the answers that we've given to so many others? Is it
painful to be reminded so often of our infertility by questions
that focus on the fact our child is different?

Although we may not always feel comfortable about having our
family the center of so much attention, the situation certainly
does have it benefits. For one thing, the subject of adoption
comes up naturally on many occasions, so we develop comfort in
discussing adoption in our children's presence even before they
understand the concept. Also, the encounters give us frequent
opportunities to say positive, supportive about our children (and
about adoption) with their hearing. Some people have observed
that adopted children their families often tend to feel more
positive about their adoption than those who match the adoptive
parents. This is presumably because the fact of adoption is so
obvious that the subject has necessarily been an open one from
the time of the child's arrival. It is something the child has
always known, rather than a subject to be breached someday with
trepidation as a potentially shocking fact of life.

Deborah McCurdy, MSW is also the adoptive mother of a
Colombian-born son. (Slight changes made for Ukrainian adoption
situations)

We at Adoption Services International would love to help you or
someone you love welcome a child into your family from Ukraine.
Please contact us for information and with questions:

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

Waiting During Your Ukrainian Adoption Process: Make the Most Out of Your Time

No one likes waiting. Here are some great ideas for making the
most of this anxious and exciting time. by Cynthia Teeters.

Doesn't it feel that waiting is an activity that is almost
impossible to do?

There's this very real sense of not being in control, of having
just too much anticipation, and having to constantly fight all
the worry!

While you may not make the clock move faster, the waiting time
can present you an opportunity to reflect on issues and
challenges unique to adoption. If you haven't already developed
an extensive library, now is a good time. If you have the books
but haven't read them all, sit down with your favorite beverage
and get reading. If you've done your reading, share your insights
with others.

Any effort you make at this time in learning your prospective
child's language (no matter what the child's age) will be
rewarded. Your country hosts will be impressed and honored if you
arrive knowing some phrases and their correct pronunciation. Your
knowing some kiddie-speak is especially valuable for toddlers and
older children helping them with the transition to a new family,
new culture and new language. The demands on our children to
adjust are huge and the frustrations can show in all sorts of
acting-out behavior. It is a wonderful gift we give if we can
help them communicate in their first months in our home.

Also, don't forget to take the opportunity to practice your
parenting skills. Offer to babysit other children. If you are
adopting an older child, consider volunteering to be a mentor or
working with children from disadvantaged backgrounds. If you are
able to spend time with children observe their behavior and do
your own hands-on research on child development.

Explore your child-care options and make plans. Additionally,
explore early intervention for learning disabilities and why it
is so strongly suggested for post-institutionalized children -
even for the youngest of babies. If the child is school-age,
contact the school and make your concerns known. Discuss with the
school a) in what grade the child should be placed and b) getting
immediate evaluations for learning disabilities. Be warned,
though, that you may meet resistance from school personnel,
especially at the school district level. You may have better luck
if you are able to speak with a special education teacher or
school psychologist. If you feel that your concerns are not being
accepted by the school, become knowledgeable of federal laws
concerning learning disabilities and seek out local support.

Now, before new panic sets in about all that must be accomplished
during the waiting period, sit back and relax. If you are here
reading this article and feeling uneasy about the demands and
challenges, remember that parenting is not a one-time act; it is
a process. It is a process full of trial and error and very
rarely do we find that we are not given a second chance to do
better.

You'll do just fine

By Cynthia Teeters.

In addition, I suggest making a photo book to show to your future
child. It is a hard transition and the more you prepare them for
what is to come the better. The book should include photos of
siblings, your house, grandparents and relatives (asking them in
advance what they would like to be called by your son or daughter
will also help introduce them ahead of time.), pets, your car,
their room and bed in your house if it is prepared, etc. You
don't want to overwhelm them, but it will be a lot of fun to look
through when you get bored of everything else, and a wonderful
way of preparing them.

If you learn the words for your photos in Russian you will be a
star!

Take time to learn about your child's culture, food and heritage.
For an older child, this can give you a helpful peek inside
Slavic attitudes and world perspective.

Read up on traveling in Ukraine. You want to enjoy the trip and
not just sit in your hotel or apartment worrying or waiting. Get
out and enjoy and make memories. If you are adopting a toddler or
older child, the orphanage may allow you to leave the orphanage
premises. Get some ideas of activities you can do with your
child. Shopping, cafes, parks and carnival type areas are a
favorite.

If you or someone you love want to welcome a child into their
lives and families, as my husband and I did, we can help.

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

Ukrainian Adoption Statistics Over the Years: Ukraine Is A Top US Adoption Choice

Ukraine is now the 5th most popular international source of
adoptions by U.S. families, according to the U.S. Department of
State, after China, Ethiopia, Russia, and South Korea. It claimed
that position in 2010 displacing Guatemala. Interestingly,
Guatemala was the #1 source of internationally adopted children
into the US in 2008. Currently, the U.S. State Department is not
processing adoptions from Guatemala at all.

Many have expected a sharp drop in adoptions in the Ukraine since
the nation changed the age of an adopted child without special
needs to 5 years of age and older towards the end of 2011. In
speaking with Olga Ivanchenko, Vice Consul at the Consulate
General of Ukraine in New York City in charge of adoption and
citizenship, she states that the level of dossier submissions has
remained stable.

I believe there are several reasons for this. First, the age
limit for adoptive parents was removed. Now parents of any age
may adopt in Ukraine and there is no upper limit. Secondly,
parents may still adopt a healthy child under five years of age
if a sibling is also adopted who is 5 or older. This exemption is
encouraging more and more U.S. families to adopt siblings. I
think this is great for the families and for the children.
Finally, problems and changes with other popular programs such as
China (where the wait for healthy children is over 5 years) and
Russia (that has added significant hurdles and costs) will
encourage parents to look for other sources of adoptable
children. This is visible in the huge drop in adoptions in these
countries in 2011. Check
outhttp://www.johnstonsarchive.net/policy/adoptionstatsintl.htmla
great private site that has compiled adoption statistics from
around the world. Hopefully, many families that were focusing
their considerations on Russia and China will look to Ukraine.

It is also interesting that the number of girls and boys adopted
from Ukraine is almost exactly equal, while there are more boys
available for adoption.

Below you will find the year on year adoption statistics for U.S.
adoptions from Ukraine.

UkraineYearly Adoptions

2011 6402010 4502009 6102008 4902007 6132006 4632005 8242004
7942003 6922002 10942001 12402000 6581999 321 If you or someone
you know is considering adoption and would like to learn more.
Please check out our website
atwww.adoptionservicesinternational.comby email
atinfo@asi-adoption.comor by phone at 908-444-0999.We would love
to help you!

Choosing a Name for Your Internationally Adopted Child

An excellent article by Deborah McCurdy, MSW gives ideas and
preferences with which I highly agree. Naming a child is such a
personal matter that Parents are bound to have strong feelings
about making their own choice without outside influence. The
following guidelines (based on the needs of foreign-born
children) leave enough options open that parents still have a
wide range of choices - especially when naming an infant. There
may be times, however, when our personal taste in names will have
to take second place to the child's needs or desires because
names are so closely tied to self-image and self-esteem.

Choosing a first name or a middle name from your child's country
affirms your child's cultural and national heritage as an
important part of him. It demonstrates to your child and to the
world that his original cultural identity is a source of pride.
It is an open, acknowledgement of a positive kind of difference
that will always be of our child. It may be especially important
as your child grows older, but having a typical American name as
well may be just as important. Your child can then have the best
of both his worlds!

I have read differing opinions as to whether the birth-country
name should be chosen as the first name or the middle name. There
are those who feel strongly that the name the child came with
should be retained as the first name, if it "works." Others point
out that there will be times when your child will want to have a
simple, familiar American name to feel more like the other kids
in the neighborhood. For this reason, many adoptive parents give
their infant an American first name (or else a birth-country name
such as Lee, Lin, Julia, Andrea, or Daniel - this is also an
American name). A birth-country name combined with an American
name gives the child the opportunity to affirm either side of his
or her cultural identity, depending on the child's mood and stage
of development. Mary Kim may wish to be called by both her names
at certain times, as her parents now do. At other stages she may
wish to introduce herself simply as "Mary" or "Kim". Two short,
simple names allow her these options. A boy named John Carlos
Clark could have the alternatives of John C. Clark or J. Carlos
Clark, depending on his preference at different ages. (You can
find names in books and articles about your child's birth country
at a city library.)

There is another reason to keep all names short and simple. It is
a burden for children and teenagers to frequently spell out a
long, complicated name for others when meeting new people,
registering for camp, etc. It is much easier to be Lee Johnson or
Lee Paul Johnson than Gareth Byeong Johnson-Phillips According to
research done by psychologist Rom Harre and others, children with
an unusual, unfamiliar name can feel different in a negative way.
Our children will already have two major differences to deal
with: being adopted and (potentially) being of a minority race.
While we will be helping them to see these two differences as
very positive ones, we can choose to minimize other differences
by giving them short, simple, familiar names.

How do adopted teenagers feel about their names? There are
probably no polls on this question, but I've heard remarks that
indicate that some adoptees of this age want a part of their name
to reflect their original cultural identity. One girl commented
that the best thing her adoptive parents had done for her was to
retain her Korean name. On another occasion, an Asian teenager on
an adoptee panel exclaimed indignantly, "I'm no Amy!" If she had
been named Lin Amy or Amy Lin, she might have felt more validated
as a Korean-American. A teenager who has both an American first
name and a middle name from his birth-country can be offered the
option of reversing these names if he develops a strong interest
in affirming his original cultural identity. But some teenagers
will value an American name more than their birth-country name
(another argument for giving both!).

Many adoption workers and psychologists feel that if your child
is age two or older, it is vitally important to call him by the
name he is accustomed to, at least until he is ready to make a
major change on his own. (Check with the foster mother or
orphanage, as a Maria Cristina may be called "Cristi.") Those
adopting a school-age child should eventually ask the child his
preference as to being called by his original name or choosing an
American name, since this could have an effect on his
self-esteem. If an American name is chosen by your child, it
should be selected from a list of simple, familiar names that you
have prepared for him. The "old" name can then become a middle
name so that the child does not lose an important part of
himself. (Discourage him from rejecting it altogether even if he
chooses not to use if for a time.)

When children and teenagers experiment with rearranging their
names, there's no need to rush into a legal change of name.
Legally your child can go by any name he chooses. By adulthood he
may be back to the names you chose for him!

Deborah McCurdy, MSW is Adoption Supervisor at Beacon Adoption
Center in Great Barrington, MA, and has a Colombian-born son.

If you or someone you love want to welcome a child into their
lives and families, as my husband and I did, we can help.

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

Preparing Your Children For An Adopted Sibling

If you have older children, whether biological or also adopted,
there are some unique issues that you have to deal with when
adopting another child. They will have questions that need to be
answered as well as a desire to feel like they will still be
loved. Let us help you prepare to answer those questions.Be
honest.

The first thing parents need to do is to be honest with their
older child(ren). Joan Regan, a social worker with Holt
International Children's Services, reminds parents that children
can sense when something is changing and they may be anxious
about the unknown.

Talk about the possibility of another child joining the family.
When you have a biological child, the older sibling has months to
get used to the idea and to prepare. When adopting, you should
give older siblings the same amount of time to adjust. When you
have more information, then you can give a specific time frame,
such as after Christmas. Children should also be given notice
that a social worker is coming, not in the role of inspector or
judge, but to help the family decide if adoption is the right
choice for them.

Don't give a choice.Do not give your child a choice in whether or
not you adopt. Susan Watson, Director of Birth Parent Services
for Spence-Chapin N.Y.C., says, "a child shouldn't have the sense
that he has the power to make this enormous family decision.
Parental authority in this area should be recognized from the
start. Your child may feel betrayed if you go ahead with adoption
after your child said 'No'."

Include your child.Include your child in the adoption process as
much as possible. No matter what age your child is, it is
important to talk about the new baby or child that will be
joining your family. Discuss how the new baby will fit into your
family life, where they will sleep, etc."When an arrival date
seems likely," says Watson, "children can be involved with
preparation like buying bottles, formula and diapers and setting
up the nursery." Older children can discuss the differences in
building a family through adoption or by birth. Some parents
bring their older children to the hospital and involve them in
bringing the baby home.Be careful not to overwhelm your child
with the details. Watson advises, "include children"but don't
overwhelm them with complex information. Procedural, legal and
emotional issues in adoption are tough for adults to understand.
Most children are not developmentally ready to take these on."

Reassure your child.The idea of adoption may bring up fears. Your
child may be afraid of being placed for adoption themselves.
Regan asserts, "explaining that birth parents are unable to
parent at all, due to age, chronic poverty or cultural stigmas,
may help eliminate fears of abandonment if illness or temporary
economic reversals hit your family."Many children fear that their
parents may not love them as much when the new child arrives.
Explain that you have plenty of love for everyone and just want
to add another child to bring more love to the family. Reaffirm
your child's place in the family.Older children may be afraid
that their adopted sibling could be taken away. Reassure your
child that when you adopt, you become that child's family
forever.Adding a sibling to the family is never easy, but if you
prepare your child, the process will be more manageable for
everyone.

Thank you to Parent Society for the text.

If you or someone you love want to welcome a child into their
lives and families, as my husband and I did, we can
help.www.adoptionservicesinternational.cominfo@asi-adoption.com908-444-0999

Ukrainian Adoptions: What Happens When Your Adopted Child Turns 18? Citizenship, Military Service

Ukrainian Adoptions: What Happens When Your Adopted Child Turns
18? The Facts About Citizenship, Passports and Compulsory
Military Service.

By Susan Kibler, owner of Adoption Services International

This past weekend I met Olga Ivanchenko, the new Vice-Consul in
charge of adoption and citizenship matters at the Consulate
General of Ukraine in New York. It was a great opportunity to get
the facts on what to do when your adopted child turns 18 years
old.

Ukrainian Citizenship:The government of Ukraine considers every
child adopted from Ukraine to be a citizen of Ukraine for life
unless the child specifically denounces his or her Ukrainian
citizenship in writing through a formal procedure at the
Ukrainian Embassy or Consulates. Many parents were told that when
your child turns 18, he or she must choose between U.S. or
Ukrainian citizenship. This is NOT the case. Ukraine recognizes
dual citizenship - Ukrainian and U.S. for all children adopted
from Ukraine. (This is the only case where they do recognize dual
citizenship.)

When your child turns 18 he or she is considered an adult by the
Ukrainian government (and the U.S.). If they wish to keep their
Ukrainian citizenship, all they need to do is register as an
adult Ukrainian citizen with the Ukrainian Embassy or Consulate
that covers the area where he or she lives. There is no rush to
do this. (Remember, your child is considered a Ukrainian citizen
for life.) If your child comes in at any age - 22, 35, 50 and
registers as an adult that is fine. They will never lose their
citizenship. Obviously, Ukraine would like your children to
register more promptly so they know where their citizens are. The
U.S. does the same and asks its citizens living outside the
country to register at the Embassy or Consulate. It is not
mandatory and your child will not lose their citizenship by not
registering.

U.S. Government perspective:The U.S. is not keen on dual
citizenship and recognizes only a few. It does not recognize dual
citizenship with Ukraine, but it does NOT forbid U.S. citizens
from being citizens of another country, nor from carrying
multiple passports. If you start asking around, you will find
many more U.S. citizens with dual citizenship than you might
think and that is just fine, so long as you are a law abiding
U.S. citizen and pay your U.S. taxes.

U.S. citizens are asked to denounce their Ukrainian citizenship
and that is if they wish to serve in the U.S. military.

Military Conscription in Ukraine:All Ukrainian adopted children,
who left Ukraine for permanent residency in another country
before the age of 18 are waived from the obligation to serve in
the Ukrainian military. This means any child adopted from the
Ukraine will NOT be called up to military service at any time or
age.

Ukrainian Passports: Many adopted children have expired Ukrainian
passports. These may be renewed at any time, even if they are
expired for quite some time. Since, often your child's first
passport is a valuable keepsake, if you ask the consulate in
writing, they will return it to you with a punched hole
indicating that the passport is no longer valid. Some US States
do this with expired drivers' licenses.

Your child's passport will differ from those issued in Ukraine
only in that it will be indicated in the passport that they are
permanent residents of the U.S. Ukraine does not require that its
citizens enter the country on a Ukrainian Passport, so your
children can travel to Ukraine on their U.S. passports. No visa
is needed for a U.S. citizen to travel to Ukraine.

Those are the facts. The following is my option and thoughts on
keeping your child's Ukrainian citizenship.

Why should I care? What are the benefits for my child of having a
passport and Ukrainian citizenship?There are a number of reasons
I would argue that it would be a good idea for your son or
daughter to consider keeping their Ukrainian citizenship and
valid passport.

Travel:There are countries that citizens of Ukraine can travel to
without a visa, but U.S. citizens need a visa. Russia is an
example. Also, if your child would like to stay for more than 90
days in the Ukraine, on a year abroad, or a mission trip, they
can do so only on their Ukrainian passport. U.S. citizens no
longer need a visa to Ukraine, but their stay is limited to 90
days. Your children could get around this quite easily though if
they just go for a trip abroad every 90 days, but their Ukrainian
passport gives them this option to stay indefinately.

Future job and study opportunities:Right now, the European Union
looks like a disaster, but who knows how Europe will develop in
the next 20 years. If Ukraine becomes a member of the EU, your
child's passport would be a ticket to visa and work permit free
travel and study. Our children would be considered EU citizens.
Since 9/11 the U.S. has been offering fewer and fewer visas and
other countries have responded by granting fewer and fewer visas
to U.S. citizens. A European passport gives your child potential
opportunities without the government boundaries or visa
requirements. As the world becomes smaller and smaller, this can
be a real advantage.

Security:Your child has an option. When it might be preferable to
travel as a U.S. citizen he or she can use her U.S. passport.
There might also be scenarios when it would be favorable to have
a non-U.S. passport. Unfortunately, in this post 9/11 world,
Americans have the potential to be targets of violence
internationally. Yet, I can't think of a single instance when the
world has risen up and wanted to strike at Ukrainian citizens.

Heritage:Many adoptive parents encourage a pride in their adopted
children for their Ukrainian cultural heritage. What better way
than to have a physical reminder of this connection in the form
of a Ukrainian passport.

I believe this option of dual citizenship is yet another benefit
of adopting from Ukraine.

If you or someone you love want to welcome a child into their
lives and families, as my husband and I did, we can help.

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

Befor Adoption in Ukraine: Preparing Yourself: Be Prepared to Turn Down a Referral or Child

Be prepared to turn down a referral or child. This is probably
the hardest thing adoptive parents might do. The medical and
social history of the child you will be given during the referral
meeting needs to be carefully considered in light of your
capabilities and desires. Likewise, the time you spend in Ukraine
with a potential child is very valuable and if there are clear
signs that this child might be more than you can handle, you need
to think with your head and not just your heart. This is easier
said than done. Parents will feel guilty that they are condemning
the child to a loveless institutional life. This is natural and
should be expected. However, as Susan Kibler, owner of Adoption
Services International states, "Often when parents come back to
Kyiv after adopting, they can learn that every child they were
offered in their referral meeting, even the most severe special
needs children, have already been adopted."

You need to remember that adopting a child is for life and be
sure that you are ready for the challenges that arise. Like when
you give birth, you can never predict and prepare for how you
child might develop by the time they head off to college.
However, if you are considering a child with special needs, be
sure you understand what you are getting into as best you can.

Adopting in Ukraine provides you the opportunity to have as many
as three referral meetings and receive referrals for up to 2
children (or sibling groups).

Discuss ahead of time with your spouse and family what you can
handle and when you would turn away a referral. Knowing this in
advance will make it much easier to handle your decisions when
you are in your referral meeting in Kyiv.

Thinking through some of these issues within the family will help
you ahead more quickly toward getting a referral. Talking about
potential complications will help you avoid delays and
disappointment if issues do arise with referrals as the process
unfolds.

If you or someone you love want to welcome a child into their
lives and families, as my husband and I did, we can help.

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

Scenario Planning Before You Adopt in Ukraine

Think about and prepare for different scenarios.What if the
referral for that "perfect" child doesn't come along? Like many
other life-changing events, adoptions are a product of
opportunity and availability. How flexible are you? What if the
darling girl in your referral turns out to be the youngest of
three siblings waiting for a home? If the adorable boy who is the
apple of every eye in the orphanage also has a cleft palate? If
the sweet-looking toddler clearly becomes attached to your
husband on the first visit but won't give you the time of
day?Realize that there is no such thing as a "perfect" child and
that, when you sign up to parent, you are signing up for any
challenges that child may introduce.

If you or someone you love want to welcome a child into their
lives and families, as my husband and I did, we can help.

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

Pre-Adoption Tips When Adopting From Ukraine: Know Yourself and Your Limitations

Know who you are, whom you want, and what you can handle.This may
seem self-evident, but giving thought to these questions early in
the process will save you time and disappointment. For instance,
you may think you know the characteristics of the child you want,
but are you sure you know how your partner feels? If you
disagree, how will you work this out? Would you both be OK with a
trans-racial adoption? Do you know what racial identity issues
can arise as your child grows up, and how you would handle them?
Do you prefer an infant or an older child? Boy or girl? Sibling
group? Could you handle a special needs child? What inner
resources and strength do you have to love and nurture a child
who turns out to have special needs years after the adoption? Do
you have a faith, family, and friends to sustain you? Do you have
the financial resources to handle any post-adoption medical,
developmental, behavioral, or learning issues? Do you have other
children whose needs must be considered? Can you appreciate the
culture of your child's birth country and seek out ways to help
your child learn and value the culture?

Discuss ahead of time with your spouse and family what you can
handle and when you would turn away a referral. Knowing this in
advance will make it much easier to handle your decisions when
you are in your referral meeting in Kyiv.

If you or someone you love want to welcome a child into their
lives and families, as my husband and I did, we can help.

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

Pre-Adoption: Setting Realistic Expectations for Your Ukrainian Adoption

Probably the aspects of adoption I want my clients to understand
is that their expectations must be realistic.

Prospective parents must maintain realistic expectations so you
won't be disappointed frequently.There are many unknowns in this
process and plenty of opportunities for disappointment or feeling
like a bad parent. Take Dr. Aronson's advice: Do your research;
and set appropriate expectations. Don't plan, for instance, to
throw a huge party to introduce family and friends to your child
as soon as you arrive home. You need to give your child time to
adjust to the new environment and to bond with you first.

Do expect the unexpected in the pre-adoption process, and try not
to get frustrated. This is where that sense of humor comes into
play. Countries will demand new documents in the middle of your
dossier preparation; documents may even be lost; court dates will
be moved up or back, and you may find yourselves flying overseas
on short notice or once again pushing back the date when you can
finally bring your child home. Every adoptive family has a story
to tell about something that didn't go right. Do your best to
take the inevitable setbacks in stride. Expect that something
will go wrong as some point and you will be less disappointed by
a delay.

We at Adoption Services International do everything in our
control to make the process as smooth and hiccup free as
possible. We want it to be a good experience and will help you
deal with the unexected professionally and in a timely fashion.
Still we always recommend you expect the worst and hope for the
best!

If you or someone you love, want to welcome a child into their
lives and families, as my husband and I did, Adoption Services
International can help.

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

Facing The Lack of Family Medical History in International Adoption

I recently had a mother tell me a story about bringing her two
adopted children to a new doctor. She, like many parents of
children adopted internationally, have very little information
about their child's family health history before adoption. After
she had explained this on the phone, in the forms and to the
nurse, the doctor proceeded to tell her, "adopted dogs have more
family health history than you have!". Needless to say, she was
absolutely shocked and appalled and immediately found a new
doctor. While this is extreme, it is very hard as an adoptive
parent to have to explain this fact repeatedly, sometimes for
years.

This wonderful piece by Dawn at Creating a Family on this topic
totally resonated with me.

Adopted: Family History Unknown

Last week was the first game for the middle school girls' soccer
team, and one of my daughters was starting as center midfielder.

As she streaked down the field, she took a soccer ball in the
face. She shook it off, and the game resumed. All's well that
ends well, right? Wrong.

Her comment the next morning that she was seeing black streaks
started us on a journey that would end three days and three
doctors later with laser surgery to repair a torn retina.

I spent the week in doctor's offices waiting, playing cards, and
filling out forms. In the past when we've gone to a new doctor,
my daugher has been young enough that she was not paying
attention while I filled out the forms. Either due to her age
(13) or her anxiety about the black spots and flashing lights,
she was paying close attention as I completed them this week.

Every form had a family history section. With the first form, as
I wrote "Adopted: Family history unknown", I thought that my
daughter became a little more reserved. I slipped into my
Mommy-the-role-model role to show her how to handle this
situation in a matter of fact manner. Adoption is a natural part
of her life, and throughout her life she'll face situations where
she has to explain it to others. I'm sure she has done this many
times with friends, but maybe not with adults or when specific
information is being asked. After we sat back down in the waiting
room, I tried to use it as a conversation starter about lacking
information about her birth family. It was a non-starter.

Later, the nurse felt the need to confirm that we had no family
history, and then the doctor highlighted this fact when he
reviewed the form. With each successive form and doctor I
noticed my daughter growing increasingly quiet during these brief
family history discussions. Her body language whispered
discomfort.

I don't really know what she was feeling; too much was happening
then and since for me to have that conversation. She needs some
time to process, and for life to settle into routine again. But
what surprised me were my feelings. I wanted so much to protect
her from all of this. Yes, from the torn retina and all that
will entail both now and in the future, but also from a lifetime
of writing "Adopted: No family history." on medical forms and
then explaining it to a lifetime of medical personnel.

I wanted to ditch the Mommy-the-role-model role and become

Mommy-the-super-hero (complete with spandex costume), throwing
myself in front of speeding soccer balls and mending torn retinas
with one fell swoop. Mommy the super hero would be able to
shield her child not only from speeding object, but also from
prying questions. Mommy the super hero would make sure her
daughter never felt uncomfortable about being adopted.

OK, as I type this, I realize how silly this sounds-ridiculous
really. I know I'm over reacting. My daughter's medical
treatment did not hinge on family medical history. Nor is she
emotionally fragile; she can and will learn to deal with these
types of questions. This is a part of her life, and as her mom,
I need to teach her how to handle it. But it stinks. It stinks
that we don't have this information and it stinks that she has to
explain this fact. So, in my fantasy, I'm wearing my
Mommy-the-super-hero costume, filling out medical forms and
slaying soccer balls. And since it's a dream, I also look good
in spandex.

Surprising Results From Attachment Study in International Adoptees 6 Months Post Adoption

Fascinating results on attachment security six months after
international adoption were revealed in the small study:Factors
affecting attachment in international adoptees at 6 months post
adoptionby Sandra Niemann & Sandra Weiss.

Contrary to what is commonly believed, age at adoption,
developmental status, and length and quality of pre-adoption
care, and adoptive mother's feelings of attachment were not
significant predictors of child attachment status 6 months post
adoption.

The two factors that were significantly predictive of healthy
attachment between a mother and child 6 months post adoption were
the number of pre-adoption placements and the child's stress
level.

Children who had fewer pre-adoption placements had higher
attachment security; similarly, children who had lower stress
levels had higher attachment security. Results suggest that
consistency of pre-adoption care was more important than its
length or quality. Further, children having foster versus
orphanage care prior to adoption differed in quality of
pre-adoption care and in certain attachment behaviors, but not in
overall attachment security.

Published inChildren and Youth Services ReviewVolume 34, Issue 1,
January 2012, Pages 205-212. Also published inAdoption
QuarterlyVolume 14, Issue 4, 2011 under the titleAttachment
Behavior of Children Adopted Internationally at Six Months Post
Adoption.

One of the particulars of Ukrainian adoptions is the opportunity
for the adoptive parents to spend time with their future adoptive
child in the child's environment. We at Adoption Services
International believe this time allows a unique opportunity to
reduce the stress levels in the child and build an attachment
before leaving the child's environment for their new home.

If you or someone you love, want to welcome a child into their
lives and families, as my husband and I did, Adoption Services
International can help.

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

Older Adoptive Parents Welcome in Ukraine

Older Adoptive Parents Welcome in Ukraine

Until late last year, the age difference between a parent and a
future adoptive child in Ukraine had to be less than 45 years.
This prevented many older couples from realizing their dream of
parenthood. Even celebrities like Elton John were rejected on the
basis of age.

Fortunately, this long standing law has now been lifted and there
is now no limitation at all as to the age of the adopting parent.
"It is still important to the Ukrainian authorities that the
parents be healthy and expect to live a normal life expectancy,"
says Susan Kibler, owner of Adoption Services International.
"This is a big step and allows many, many perspective older
parents to adopt. It is important as the number of adoptions has
not come close to the number of children in need of loving
families."

Children in Ukraine are available at 5 years of age and older.
Younger children are available with special needs or in sibling
groups.

In addition to the lack of age limits, Ukraine is an attractive
choice for adoption. Most parents are able to adopt in months
rather than years and at a fraction of the cost of other common
adoption countries.

If you or someone you love, want to welcome a child into their
lives and families, as my husband and I did, Adoption Services
International can help.

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

How to Protect Against Secondary Disabilities of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome

There is good news regarding minimizing complications of Fetal
Alcohol Syndrome, and surprisingly, they are remarkably doable
for adoptive parents, yet probably impossible without a stable,
loving family environment. Fetal Alcohol Syndrome is a huge
concern for adoptive parents in Eastern Europe. Studies show that
there are means to minimizing the negative consequences of FAS.

Protective Factors Against Disabilities Secondary to FASD:The
Streissguth et al. (1996) study, conducted in Washington State
with children experiencing what was then termed FAS and FAE, led
to the identification of a set of specific "universal" protective
factors for children experiencing fetal alcohol exposure. More
research is needed to support these findings, however, these
results suggest that social workers do have means of intervening
to ameliorate the negative consequences associated with FASD.

The identified protective factors that will minimize and help
avoid secondary complications include:

1. Living in a stable and nurturing home-for at least 72% of a
child's life;

2. Being accurately diagnosed before the age of 6 years;

3. Never having been the victim of violence;

4. Relative stability, described as remaining in the same living
situation for morethan 2.8 years;

5. Experiencing a "good quality" home between the ages of 8-12
years;

6. Having applied for, been found eligible for, entering into,
and receiving Divisionof Developmental Disabilities Services;

7. Having a diagnosis of FAS rather than other effects of alcohol
exposure-Note that receiving a diagnosis of FAS confers
eligibility for early intervention services in many communities,
while other alcohol-related diagnoses often do not confer such
eligibility.

8. Having basic needs met for at least 13% of life.

If you or someone you love, want to welcome a child into their
lives and families, as my husband and I did, Adoption Services
International can help.

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

Why Bilinguals Are Smarter: Think About Keeping Your Adopted Child's First Language

There may be big advantages in keeping a native language for an
older adopted child.

Speaking two languages rather than just one has obvious practical
benefits in an increasingly globalized world. But in recent
years, scientists have begun to show that the advantages of
bilingualism are even more fundamental than being able to
converse with a wider range of people. Being bilingual, it turns
out, makes you smarter. It can have a profound effect on your
brain, improving cognitive skills not related to language and
even shielding against dementia in old age.

This view of bilingualism is remarkably different from the
understanding of bilingualism through much of the 20th century.
Researchers, educators and policy makers long considered a second
language to be an interference, cognitively speaking, that
hindered a child's academic and intellectual development.

They were not wrong about the interference: there is ample
evidence that in a bilingual's brain both language systems are
active even when he is using only one language, thus creating
situations in which one system obstructs the other. But this
interference, researchers are finding out, isn't so much a
handicap as a blessing in disguise. It forces the brain to
resolve internal conflict, giving the mind a workout that
strengthens its cognitive muscles.

Bilinguals, for instance, seem to be more adept than monolinguals
at solving certain kinds of mental puzzles. Ina 2004 studyby the
psychologists Ellen Bialystok and Michelle Martin-Rhee, bilingual
and monolingual preschoolers were asked to sort blue circles and
red squares presented on a computer screen into two digital bins
- one marked with a blue square and the other marked with a red
circle.

In the first task, the children had to sort the shapes by color,
placing blue circles in the bin marked with the blue square and
red squares in the bin marked with the red circle. Both groups
did this with comparable ease. Next, the children were asked to
sort by shape, which was more challenging because it required
placing the images in a bin marked with a conflicting color. The
bilinguals were quicker at performing this task.

The collective evidence from a number of such studies suggests
that the bilingual experience improves the brain's so-called
executive function - a command system that directs the attention
processes that we use for planning, solving problems and
performing various other mentally demanding tasks. These
processes include ignoring distractions to stay focused,
switching attention willfully from one thing to another and
holding information in mind - like remembering a sequence of
directions while driving.

Why does the tussle between two simultaneously active language
systems improve these aspects of cognition? Until recently,
researchers thought the bilingual advantage stemmed primarily
from an ability forinhibitionthat was honed by the exercise of
suppressing one language system: this suppression, it was
thought, would help train the bilingual mind to ignore
distractions in other contexts. But that explanation increasingly
appears to be inadequate, since studies have shown that
bilinguals perform better than monolinguals even at tasks that do
not require inhibition, like threading a line through an
ascending series of numbers scattered randomly on a page.

The key difference between bilinguals and monolinguals may be
more basic: a heightened ability to monitor the environment.
"Bilinguals have to switch languages quite often - you may talk
to your father in one language and to your mother in another
language," says Albert Costa, a researcher at the University of
Pompeu Fabra in Spain. "It requires keeping track of changes
around you in the same way that we monitor our surroundings when
driving." In a study comparing German-Italian bilinguals with
Italian monolinguals on monitoring tasks, Mr. Costa and his
colleagues found that the bilingual subjects not only performed
better, but they also did so with less activity in parts of the
brain involved in monitoring, indicating that they were more
efficient at it.

The bilingual experience appears to influence the brain from
infancy to old age (and there is reason to believe that it may
also apply to those who learn a second language later in life).

Ina 2009 study led by Agnes Kovacsof the International School for
Advanced Studies in Trieste, Italy, 7-month-old babies exposed to
two languages from birth were compared with peers raised with one
language. In an initial set of trials, the infants were presented
with an audio cue and then shown a puppet on one side of a
screen. Both infant groups learned to look at that side of the
screen in anticipation of the puppet. But in a later set of
trials, when the puppet began appearing on the opposite side of
the screen, the babies exposed to a bilingual environment quickly
learned to switch their anticipatory gaze in the new direction
while the other babies did not.

Bilingualism's effects also extend into the twilight years. In a
recent study of 44 elderly Spanish-English bilinguals, scientists
led by the neuropsychologist Tamar Gollan of the University of
California, San Diego, found that individuals with a higher
degree of bilingualism - measured through a comparative
evaluation of proficiency in each language - were more resistant
than others to the onset of dementia and other symptoms of
Alzheimer's disease: the higher the degree of bilingualism, the
later the age of onset.

Nobody ever doubted the power of language. But who would have
imagined that the words we hear and the sentences we speak might
be leaving such a deep imprint?

Yudhijit Bhattacharjee is a staff writer at Science. Reprinted
from the NY Times

If you or someone you love, want to welcome a child into their
lives and families, as my husband and I did, Adoption Services
International can help.

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

Adoption Services International: What Our Clients Say About Us

Our adoption process has been and is a complicated journey for
our family but we were so grateful for Susan to be so quick to
offer her assistance when everyone else ignored our cries for
help because of the nature of our extraordinary case. Susan's
assistance has been above and beyond all expectations! Susan has
been quick and concise in devising a plan, offering insight, and
was there professionally as well as personally. Her personal
touches and vast experience with the Ukraine/Russian culture
proved to be comforting and trustworthy. Susan was always an
email, phone or Skype call away and blew me away by personally
meeting me during my layover at Newark airport, introducing me to
her son, which shows her obvious passion for wanting to assist
other families in adopting internationally in Ukraine. She
showed genuine interest and was kept us up to date on all details
at all times. I highly recommend Susan and her professional team
to assist any family in their adoption journey. Liz Atchley

Please contact us if you or someone you love, want to welcome a
child into their lives and families, as my husband and I did,
Adoption Services International can help.

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

Ukrainian Adoption Statistics From 2011

Statistics are out on the numbers of adoptions in Ukraine. More
and more Ukrainian families are adopting. Still, the total of
3078 is far below what is needed. Most orphanages have hundreds
of children each in need of loving homes.

It will be interesting to see how these statistics change since
the new law enacted at the end of 2011, permitting foreign
families to adopt healthy children 5 years old and up.

Total Adoptions: 3,078

National Adoptions: 2,109

Breakdown of national adoptions by age of child:Under 1 year: 844

1-2 years: 645

3-5 years: 419

6-10 years 167

11-17 years: 34

International Adoptions: 969

Breakdown of international adoptions by age of child:

Under 1 year: 13

1-2 years: 103

3-5 years: 172

6-10 years: 412

11-17 years: 269

According to Ruslan Maliuta, the President of the Alliance for
Ukraine Without Orphans, the adoption statistics for Ukraine in
2011 were:

If you or someone you love want to welcome a child into their
lives and families, as my husband and I did, we can help.

www.adoptionservicesinternational.com

info@asi-adoption.com

908-444-0999

Integrating An Adoptive Child's Culture Into Your Family

Whether your child hails from Rhode Island or Russia, or is of
Asian or African-American or Latin-American descent, odds are,
his heritage is different from yours. You know that your child
needs to understand where he comes from to build a strong sense
of self, but it's often hard to figure out exactly how to do this
-- and how to walk that line between "too much" and "not enough."
While culture camps and heritage tours can help kids feel proud
of their history, these activities are the proverbial icing on
the cake; your child will build pride in his heritage based on
his family's everyday attitude toward it. How do you mix your
child's background into your family's life? Here's how to get
started:Make connections with other adoptees.Whether through a
culture camp, a playgroup, or a dance class, it helps to bring
your child together with other kids who share his life
experiences. "It doesn't matter what the activity is -- they
could be knitting together," says Deborah Johnson, a social
worker and director of Kindred Journeys International, a heritage
tour company, and a Korean adoptee. "It helps them to see kids
who have the same questions they do, and whose families look like
theirs." For many children adopted transracially or
transculturally, finding a place to "fit in" is hard, but regular
meetings with others like them will help. [Find a listing of
camps, tours, and other heritage events at
adoptivefamilies.com/calendar.]Make cultural activities a normal
part of life.Cultural activities shouldn't be reserved for
holidays or special events. "It may feel forced at first, but you
need to make culture a part of the fabric of your daily life,"
says Johnson. There are many ways to do this -- put ethnic dishes
on your weekly menu, display artwork or crafts that you purchased
or photos you took on your adoption trip, watch movies and TV
shows that include characters who share your child's background,
or have your child play with dolls and toys that reflect her
heritage.Most children go through a phase when they want to deny
their heritage -- they want no reminders that they're
"different." Often, this phase comes during the late
elementary-school years, when teasing and cliques begin, and
"being like everyone else" is the key to popularity. Continue to
make your child's heritage an active aspect of her life by saying
it is a "family" thing -- "Our family always goes to culture
camp," or "Our family always eats at Ethiopian restaurants on
special occasions." But don't force it. "I think you have to be
in tune with your kid on the too-much or not-enough issue," says
Pam Sweetser, director of Colorado Heritage Camps. "My daughter
doesn't want to go to Korea, but she likes her Korean friends
from the camp. If I had forced her to do more, she would have
rebelled against her culture."Explore the current culture."Many
families focus on dressing up and eating traditional foods,"
Johnson says. "Don't fall into the trap of just talking about
what life was like there -- talk about what's going on in the
culture now, or the American version of the culture." Find ways
to connect the culture to your kid's personal passions. "Take
what your child is interested in -- music, movies, fashion, food
-- and use that to introduce the culture," Johnson says. "If he
loves movies, show him Bollywood movies, or take him to an
African-American film festival. Take an artistic kid to a gallery
that's exhibiting a contemporary artist who shares her heritage."
And remember: Your child won't be living in Africa or Asia, so he
needs to understand what it means to be African-American or
Asian-American.Blend a family culture.While cultural education is
valuable, sometimes parents can be too passionate about
connecting their child to his or her heritage. If your child's
schedule is filled with cultural activities and classes, you may
need to add a little variety to the mix. "Some people go too far,
and it starts to displace everything else," Johnson says. "It's
important, but you need to customize it to your child's needs and
interests."Along with teaching your child about his own
background, you should celebrate the customs from his birth
culture alongside the traditions you cherish from your own
heritage. "Just as we have integrated African-American culture
into our lives, we have also expected our children to embrace the
parts of our cultures that we hold dear," says domestic adoptive
mom Gaby Johnson, who writes the "Familia Means Family" blog on
adoptivefamiliescircle.com. "For example, my children speak both
English and Spanish, because their mother is Hispanic, and they
attend a mostly white church, because their father is the
pastor." By teaching children to respect and value different
cultures in the world, you can help your children -- and
yourselves -- to become more compassionate world citizens.Lisa
MilbrandIf you are considering adoption, please contact us at
908-444-0999,info@asi-adoption.com or check us out online
atwww.adoptionservicesinternational.

Adoption Through Your Child's Eyes: Speaking With Adopted Children About Adoption at Different Ages

Adoptive children see and understand adoption very differently at
different ages. Often they appear to understand much more than
they actually do. Below is a link to a great article outlineing
the different ways children comprehend and deal with their
adopted status from preschoolers through
teenagers.http://adoptivefamilies.com/articles/643/age-by-age-talking-to-kids-about-adoptionIf
you are considering adoption, please reach out to us at Adoption
Services International. We handle Ukrainian adoptions for parents
in the US. We can be reached atinfo@asi-adoption.comor
908-444-0999. For more information and helpful articles, please
check out our web site atwww.adoptionservicesinternational.com.

Preparing Your Adopted Child To Come Home With You

Preparing Children for AdoptionObviously, how you prepare a child
depends a lot on the child's age. For newborn adoptions, all you
can do is be as responsive as possible to the baby's need once
he's in your home.You can do more to help prepare older kids
being adopted either domestically through foster care or from
abroad. It is hard to prepare a child for the total destruction
of what they have thought of as being permanent. The child's (and
parent's) temperament plays a huge role in how they handle this
huge change. Some kids will go with the flow regardless of the
presence or absence of preparation, and some will be thrown for a
complete loop. No matter what temperament, try to help prepare
your child.In an ideal world, the social worker, foster parents,
and orphanage workers/caretakers would play an active role in
preparing the kids. While that may happen often here in the US,
it is still the exception in most foreign countries.Preparing the
Adopted Child Before you Bring them HomeSpend time with the child
in person in his environment if possible. (This is one of the
great things about adopting in Ulraine. You will have time to
spend with your child in their enviroment which allows a smoother
transition.) This will likely be required if you are adopting an
older child in the US. Even if you are adopting internationally,
if you can afford the extra trip and if it is allowed in the
country from which you are adopting, go ahead of time to meet and
hang out with your child in his environment.Make Skype video
calls if possibleIntroduce family membersIntroduce petsTake tour
of the house by carrying the computer from room to room.If your
child is being adopted from another country, if possible, hire an
English tutor to start giving her language lessons.Parents should
learn simple phrases in child's language. For example;Are you
hungry?I will take care of you.Do you need to use the
bathroom?Show me.Watch me.I love you.Time to go to bed.Stop,
please.Ask child to send pictures she has drawn and put them on
the refrigerator for them to see when they get home.Send letters
regularly to the child.Send a note to the child's foster parent
or caretaker letting her know something about you, and how
excited you are to meet the child and have her become a part of
your family. Thank the caretaker for all they are doing for your
child. Consider asking the following:Begin to call you mom and
dadIf you are changing the name, maybe hyphenate the old name
with the new name. Make sure you include how to pronounce the new
name.Send care packages, which can include:Laminated pictures for
the child to carry around (family, child's room,
pantry/refrigerator, pets)Photo book - translate ahead of
timeVideo of family and home, if orphanage or foster family has
ability to playBlanket-wash it and let mom or primary caregiver
sleep with it so that it picks up her scent.Stuffed animalDrawing
from siblingsPreparing the Child When you Meet Her:Make minimal
changes at first.Take baby steps-move at child's pace-let the
child lead.Don't change food immediately, although may want to
start introducing American food slowly if adopting from abroad
and if the child is willing.Let them wear their old clothes if
they want to.Bring a small gift, but don't shower them with
toys.If your child is old enough, give them an inexpensive camera
to take pictures of what and who is important to them.Let child
say good bye properly to their old life.Assume the child has not
received your care package. Bring the same things you put in
it.When you gain custody of the child, establish a bed time
routine. Start by following the routine the child has had, if you
know it. Decide if it's in everyone's best interest to start
introducing a new routine.Bring photos/videos from home.Have an
entrustment/transfer ceremony with those who have been important
in your child's life.Adapted from Creating a Family blogIf you
are considering adoption, please contact us
at908-444-0999,info@asi-adoption.com or check us out online at
www.adoptionservicesinternational.

Adoption Through Your Child's Eyes: Speaking With Adopted Children About Adoption at Different Ages

Adoptive children see and understand adoption very differently at
different ages. Often they appear to understand much more than
they actually do. Below is a link to a great article outlineing
the different ways children comprehend and deal with their
adopted status from preschoolers through teenagers.

http://adoptivefamilies.com/articles/643/age-by-age-talking-to-kids-about-adoption

If you are considering adoption, please reach out to us at
Adoption Services International. We handle Ukrainian adoptions
for parents in the US. We can be reached
atinfo@asi-adoption.comor 908-444-0999. For more information and
helpful articles, please check out our web site
atwww.adoptionservicesinternational.com.

Preparing Your Adopted Child To Come Home With You

Preparing Children for Adoption

Obviously, how you prepare a child depends a lot on the child's
age. For newborn adoptions, all you can do is be as responsive as
possible to the baby's need once he's in your home.

You can do more to help prepare older kids being adopted either
domestically through foster care or from abroad. It is hard to
prepare a child for the total destruction of what they have
thought of as being permanent. The child's (and parent's)
temperament plays a huge role in how they handle this huge
change. Some kids will go with the flow regardless of the
presence or absence of preparation, and some will be thrown for a
complete loop. No matter what temperament, try to help prepare
your child.

In an ideal world, the social worker, foster parents, and
orphanage workers/caretakers would play an active role in
preparing the kids. While that may happen often here in the US,
it is still the exception in most foreign countries.

Preparing the Adopted Child Before you Bring them Home

Spend time with the child in person in his environment if
possible. (This is one of the great things about adopting in
Ulraine. You will have time to spend with your child in their
enviroment which allows a smoother transition.) This will likely
be required if you are adopting an older child in the US. Even if
you are adopting internationally, if you can afford the extra
trip and if it is allowed in the country from which you are
adopting, go ahead of time to meet and hang out with your child
in his environment.Make Skype video calls if possibleIntroduce
family membersIntroduce petsTake tour of the house by carrying
the computer from room to room.If your child is being adopted
from another country, if possible, hire an English tutor to start
giving her language lessons.Parents should learn simple phrases
in child's language. For example;Are you hungry?I will take care
of you.Do you need to use the bathroom?Show me.Watch me.I love
you.Time to go to bed.Stop, please.Ask child to send pictures she
has drawn and put them on the refrigerator for them to see when
they get home.Send letters regularly to the child.Send a note to
the child's foster parent or caretaker letting her know something
about you, and how excited you are to meet the child and have her
become a part of your family. Thank the caretaker for all they
are doing for your child. Consider asking the following:Begin to
call you mom and dadIf you are changing the name, maybe hyphenate
the old name with the new name. Make sure you include how to
pronounce the new name.Send care packages, which can
include:Laminated pictures for the child to carry around (family,
child's room, pantry/refrigerator, pets)Photo book - translate
ahead of timeVideo of family and home, if orphanage or foster
family has ability to playBlanket-wash it and let mom or primary
caregiver sleep with it so that it picks up her scent.Stuffed
animalDrawing from siblingsPreparing the Child When you Meet
Her:Make minimal changes at first.Take baby steps-move at child's
pace-let the child lead.Don't change food immediately, although
may want to start introducing American food slowly if adopting
from abroad and if the child is willing.Let them wear their old
clothes if they want to.Bring a small gift, but don't shower them
with toys.If your child is old enough, give them an inexpensive
camera to take pictures of what and who is important to them.Let
child say good bye properly to their old life.Assume the child
has not received your care package. Bring the same things you put
in it.When you gain custody of the child, establish a bed time
routine. Start by following the routine the child has had, if you
know it. Decide if it's in everyone's best interest to start
introducing a new routine.Bring photos/videos from home.Have an
entrustment/transfer ceremony with those who have been important
in your child's life.

Adapted from Creating a Family blog

If you are considering adoption, please contact us
at908-444-0999,info@asi-adoption.com or check us out online at
www.adoptionservicesinternational.